Things are going well, or as well as can be expected, where my solicitor is concerned - she is lovely - but the buyers solicitor wants blood I think.  I've had to provide details and documentation everything I've done since I moved in.  From the Velux windows that I had put in up here in the study, as well as the wooden ladder-stair, in 2002.  They also want documentation on the double glazing from 2005 and the new boiler that was installed in 2006 (the equivalent of a Corgi accreditation), they want guarantees and anything else that uncle Tom Cobbley can provide.  It really is a nightmare.  It's very different from 10 years ago, there are so many more documents and surveyors requests needed these days.  But I'm pleased to say I have found most of it.  I've gone through my Income Tax records and receipts from the years 2001 to 2006 (thank God I kept them) and found everything they need, I think, I hope.  I've also had to pay £350 for a HIP, £300 up front for solicitor, £865 to the Mews Management for insurance, ground rent and management fees, so I hope the sale goes through quickly or I'll be down Piccadilly dears. 

Raiders 2 DJs (Wednesday night 7-10) put time, effort and money into making raidersbroadcast.com work.  

I have more of a local audience, although I do have listeners, mostly friends in Canada and the US who log-on to my shows.  Peter, the Album Rock Show, has a mixed audience, but Henry and Jan have listeners all over Europe.  However, whether the audience is National or International each one of us spends hours writing up shows,  checking information and media data for anniversaries (births and deaths) and researching the different bands to find their original names, or to find out who went on to form other bands etc.  And while this adds extra interest, it also means a lot of extra work for us.  So, why do we do it?  That's easy, we do it to give our listeners good and professional shows - and because we love to play music.  But none of the work we put in is appreciated.  Not one of the Raiders 2 presenters are respected or appreciated.  If things don't change they will find other radio stations to play music for, stations that will respect them as presenters and as people.    

Wed 13th is the last show I am doing in January.  With no one renting the house in Lutterworth I have two sets of all the utility bills and two insurances etc.  I seriously don’t know how I’m going to manage.  I’d have loved to have stayed behind tonight and had a New Years drink with Jan.  It’s been great since we became friends again.  I shall miss him, Peter and Mike next week and the week after.  Never mind, I can listen to their shows.  I have to admit I love the rare stuff Jan plays, and Peter.  I’ll never know as much about music as those guys.  Hey ho!  PS I’ll have to find some rare stuff to request…  Bet Jan will have it.

I stood on the corner of our road waiting for the 315 for 20 minutes.  Then, after seeing a bus half way across the road I skated to another bus stop.  However, I was thwarted by a backlog a mile long.  Valley road was jammed as was Leigham Court Road, so I thought even if I walked to Balham I wouldn't be there in time to do my show, so I came home.  I was frozen.  I'm obviously not made of the same stuff as you.  Mind you as a child I only had half a day off school and that was when I had stitches in my knee.  I even had my tonsils out in the school holidays.  Blimey, that's a long time ago.  Time to go.  Love Maddie x

I’ve been standing in my study drinking Champagne and looking out of the window, watching the firework displays across London.  It was fantastic.  I could see fireworks in the East End, Canary Wharf, the City, West End, above the Palace & Victoria (above the rooftops of course), but what a spectacular sight.  It's great watching the fireworks zooming up into the sky, but it is very cold.  So cheers to the New Year of 2010...  Hope it is a better year, better decade than the last.  Cheers everyone!

Henrik Emailed to tell me about his partner and daughter.  I wished him and his family well.  I think he emailed for purely selfish reasons, to assure himself that if I was pleasant, nice in my reply not nasty, he could say he didn’t hurt me that badly then, or I was over it, so it’s ok.  I think he wanted some sort of satisfaction, closure.  I hope he got it because by emailing me he opened some old wounds for me.  But that’s Henrik, it’s all about him, it always was.

New Years Eve 2010

It has been a decade since the New Millennium, since Henrik and I stood with our friends and watched the Millennium firework display snake along the river Thames, and elsewhere across London, from the rooftop of my friend Marie’s building.  New Years Eve 2000 was the beginning of a sad and lonely time for me because although I didn’t know at the time why Henrik was more interested in chatting with other people than counting the New Year in with me, I soon leaned as the year got into February and March; especially March when I turned 50.  I learned about his infidelity, lies, and although we went to Cyprus on holiday and then over to Israel and the Holy Lands, he had already stopped loving me.  I didn’t know it at the time, but he told a friend in an email that, I was a nice lady but we had grown apart (news to me) that we were now more like friends (I don’t make love to my friends) and he was just waiting for the housing market to reach its height and then he would sell the flat.  But I found him out in his lies and cheating – and although I prayed it wasn’t so (I recognise now that he pushed and pushed me to argue and fall out with him) but eventually he started an argument.  I said I needed the Internet to do my research, and he said we couldn’t get the Internet where we lived.  So, I asked why it was he could email.  Surely if he emails we have the Internet.  (He must have thought I was stupid.)  I’d been using a computer for years before him and explained why and how we had the Internet for his emails.  “This isn’t working anymore!” he raged.  “I’m going into the spare room.”  And he did, and that’s where he slept stayed until he moved out of the flat one heart breaking year later – and he only moved out then because I said I wouldn’t put the flat up for sale until he’d gone.  It was killing me seeing him every day, so arrogant and cocky coming and going while I was hiding in my bedroom in pieces.  During that year, he was often unkind, insulting and I thought cruel to me; he made me feel old and fat.  I didn’t hate him for not loving me, no one can help it if  they fall out of love with their partner, but I hated him for leading me on, for taking my love and abusing it, for lying and cheating instead of being honest and telling me he no longer wanted me. 

Yes, that's life, and I thank God every day for it and for what I have.  I’m optimistic most of the time, whether I feel it or not, but every now and again, at times like Christmas, I wish I had a husband, mother, sister or brother, a human being to cuddle instead of a hot water bottle and a glass of wine.  Only joking... Silly me, ignore me.  My New Year resolution - BE HAPPY and don't spare the horses...  Yeah!  Come on 2010!

Monday morning, the sun is shining and I am feeling worse since receiving the council tax bill for Lutterworth.  I telephoned the restaurant where I was going to have Christmas lunch with friends on the 22^nd and cancelled my meal, and then telephoned Market Harborough Council Tax Office, but after holding on for 15 minutes (the phone just kept ringing) I rang the agent looking after my house.  I’ve arranged for water, gas and elecs to be paid by DD while the house is empty, but I can’t afford to pay for the bloody council tax.  Anyway, it made me feel a lot better when the lady at the agent’s said she would deal with it and there was no need for me to worry.  Now I have a nose bleed.  What the …!

I don’t think I’ve woken up feeling this sad and lonely, this alone for years.  I put on an independent show of being loud and fun and full of energy, but when someone said last week, at Church, that I was loud, it upset me.  I guess I am loud, it's part of my personality.  The part of me is sensitive and thoughtful – and sometimes depressed which I try not to be in public. 

Yesterday, seeing so many couples, and working artists, with so much to say and look forward to, made me feel happy for a long time.  I love to see people happy, in love, with their mums and dads, with sons and daughters.  I love to see people enjoying themselves - and I felt all of their love and joy (except when I wandered into the church not knowing which side to sit on after being completely invisible to the young photographer who took photos of everyone (arriving) except me) until I had to travel home on my own.  I haven't felt that lonely for years.  I sat on that train and read my book and realised that one can only look on and share in other people happiness for so long before it reminds you of how on-your-own you are, especially when you don’t have a partner, husband, job…  Tomorrow I must pull myself together!!!

I don’t think I’ve woken up feeling this sad and lonely, this alone for years.  I put on an independent show of being loud and fun and full of energy, but when someone said last week, at Church, that I was loud, it upset me.  I guess I am loud, it's part of my personality.  The part of me is sensitive and thoughtful – and sometimes depressed which I try not to be in public. 

Yesterday, seeing so many couples, and working artists, with so much to say and look forward to, made me feel happy for a long time.  I love to see people happy, in love, with their mums and dads, with sons and daughters.  I love to see people enjoying themselves - and I felt all of their love and joy (except when I wandered into the church not knowing which side to sit on after being completely invisible to the young photographer who took photos of everyone (arriving) except me) until I had to travel home on my own.  I haven't felt that lonely for years.  I sat on that train and read my book and realised that one can only look on and share in other people happiness for so long before it reminds you of how on-your-own you are, especially when you don’t have a partner, husband, job…  Tomorrow I must pull myself together!!!

How kind people can be.

Went to a wedding today.  It was the wedding of my neighbour, Heidi and lovely fiancé, Dave.  The wedding was in Dovercourt and thanks to a gang of thieves stealing five miles of cabling between two signal boxes just before Colchester the train took almost three hours to get there.  It was a boring, crowded, pain of a journey made worse because no one knew how long we’d be stuck on the train or how long it would be until we were told to change trains…

     I helped a German couple and when I’d put them on the right platform at Colchester, a couple from Dovercourt over heard me saying where I was going and offered me a lift to the Church.  Bless them; they didn’t know me from Adam.  But that’s not where the generosity ended, after the wedding which was beautiful, I realised I needed to come back to London earlier than originally thought and tried to book a taxi – but there were none to be had.  I was about to walk through the dark and lonely streets – sea on my right and curtained houses to my left, when one of the gentlemen on my table offered me a lift.  It was wonderful because the streets were empty, and I’d have been scared walking in a strange place, in the dark, in the rain, on my own.  I was so grateful…  Ron, my driver in shining armor, dropped me off outside the station, turned his car round and returned to the wedding reception. 

     The street was empty, as far as I could see, but what was worse, the station was shut, the place was in darkness.  I almost jumped out of my skin when I saw a flicker of light in the doorway of the main entrance to the station.  A young guy – a six-footer – was sheltering there while he rolled a splif.  Shit…  I pretended I hadn’t seen him (I didn’t want him to know I’d seen him, or that I was scared or intimidated by him).  Then I noticed, at the side of the building, there was a gap in the iron railings that led on to the platform.  It was a small, country station, and not a place a woman on her own would feel comfortable in – I certainly didn’t.  I walked through the gap and onto the platform as confidently as possible with my heart pounding in my chest.  It was pitch black.  I couldn’t believe my eyes, why had no one said that the station would be empty at this time of night.  I should have had a taxi to the nearest big town, but where was that.  I didn’t want to walk back along the empty streets to the hotel (to get a room) and I didn’t want to sit on my own in case the lad with the splif was a bit lairy.  Then, suddenly, at the far end of the platform I saw a young girl.  I walked along sat next to her and asked if she was waiting for the 8.02.  She said no, that the approaching train was hers and she got up.  However, she must have noticed the look on my face because she sat down again and said if I was worried about waiting on my own she would wait with me and catch the 8.02.  Bless her.  I was so grateful that when she said she was meeting a friend and they were going to get a Chinese take-away I insisted I bought it for them.  She was lovely, but when she got off the train at Manning Tree I found myself on an almost empty train with one or occasionally two people getting on, and then off, at each stop – and there were lots of stops. 

     The train eventually pulled into Liverpool Street station and I had to push my way through the crowds to the tube, which was equally crowded.  That’s more like it, I thought, I’m not frightened now.  My goodness, I never thought there come a day when I would be frightened of sitting on the platform of a country station on my own, but I was – and I don’t want to do it again.

     But what kind and generous people I met on the way to and from the wedding.  Next time I go to a wedding on my own, which I suspect will be the next time I go to a wedding; I will stay over night – whatever the cost.

It is so cold and frosty this morning.  It reminds me of when I was a child. In the winter I used to be able to see my breath in my bedroom, and when it was really cold I could write my name across the dressing table mirror.  Brrrrrr got to go out, can't live out of the freezer any longer.  I'm working from home at present which means the heating is on for great chunks of the day.  I'm trying not to think of the bills, but I can't help thinking of all the poor homeless people at this time of year.

Have just finished 2008/09's tax and sent it down the line. That's me happy, my accountant happy and soon the tax man will be happy. I keep all my papers in order - something I got used to doing when I was working full time as an actress - so it's no biggie.  How I'm going to pay the accountant and the tax man? That's the biggie! Hey, ho!  Somehow I always do. x

Went to a carol service on Sunday evening.  Really enjoyed it.  The work that the choir put in is fantastic.  Funny too, it was so cold you could see their breath when they started.  Sad that there weren't more people there, but I guess it was too cold for some people.  I'm lucky, I only live round the corner.  It was cold, freezing, inside and out.

I'm shattered after traveling into London and back each day.  I had forgotten how crowded the tubes and busses were in the rush hour.  Last day tomorrow.  I have to say I've enjoyed being back with all the guys and gals (though there are fewer girls these days) at the Ad Agency.  Mostly they are lovely and it’s a nice way to earn money.  Not that I’ll see much of what I’ve earned.  I have to put my house back to a state of good repair after a dirty scruffy, disgusting b**** has lived in it.

Another month had passed and still no agent, for acting or writing.  Busy, busy, busy every day.

I’ve just quoted a rather unoriginal quote at an actor friend.  My motto, “You don't know who you're talking to, or where they'll be in ten years time, so be nice to them on your way up, because you sure as hell will meet them on your way down.  Is that profound, or is it the wine talking?  A bit of both I expect. 

Today I did the flower test, to see which flower my personality was most like and it said Sunflower.  I think the result of the flower quiz was completely right for one half of me and for half of the time.  Half of my personality is exactly like that and I love it. (The other half is completely opposite.) I am honest, but would never say anything to hurt anyone, and I love to make people laugh.  But when I know I can't be the 'sunflower' part of me, I don't impose myself on my friends.  My friends are fantastic they accept me for who I am.  I am very lucky.    

London is good at the moment.  I've been into town a couple of times recently, once to have a meal with my cousins from Canada and this week to see an old friend from Drama College.  She was here from Israel and we also met in the West End and had a meal.  One good thing about living in London is you do get to see old friends occasionally because they tend to arrive and leave from London.  Yes, the lady is leaving.  I've only known a couple of weeks because the letter from the agent was held up in a backlog of post.  I thought I'd told you.  Anyway, I'll be up to Lutterworth on Monday to check everything is OK with the house.  And, unfortunately, I'm not heading back yet as I haven't sold my flat yet.  If the agent finds me someone else to rent mum's house I'll take this flat off the market until next spring, or I'll find myself with nowhere to live it sells. 

The PO fiasco can only be topped by Barclays Bank, whose system crashed so I couldn’t deposit the money from the pawn broker to pay my standing orders and direct debits today. "You can't deposit money' the teller said, 'but you can take it out!' So that's Barclays £22, Madalyn none!

I have had to take money out of an investment that I’ve been paying into ever since the 90s to get me through the winter as there isn’t much work about.  No problem, I’m lucky to have it to take.  However, the original documents were lost in the backlog of the post strike so I’ve had to send for them again and fill them in again.  This has taken two months so far...  I haven’t got any more gold to take to the pawn broker.  I know!  I’m lucky I have gold to hock.  So, the new documents came, I filled them in and I took them to the post office.  The only way I can guarantee the docs get to the said company in time is to send them ‘special delivery’ at a cost of £4.95p. So far – over the two months – I have paid interest on pawned gold somewhere in the region of £60, and Barclay charges of £44.  Thanks Posties – and to think I support you and your union. 

Today I was asked by my faithful friend Marie if I can do my usual reception job while the receptionist is away on holiday at Lavery Rowe, and of course said yes. 

Three months after I sent the first three chapters of my novel to Luigi Bonomi Associates it has been returned by someone I’ve never heard of.  They sent a disgusting photocopied standard reply from a photocopier that so badly needed the ink replacing that I could hardly read what the reply said on the left hand side.  And my name was scrawled in black biro in the blank space after Dear...  And the signature at the bottom was completely unreadable.  Of course they don’t want you to be able to read the signature because they don’t want you to call and speak to the person.  Pissed off?  You bet I am!

I have met few people in my life that I feel a real connection with, someone who understands me and who I understand, but my cousins Karen and Ross are two people that I would sincerely love to have in my life all the time.  Tonight I took them to the ‘after raiders wine bar’ Exhibit and they took me to the Pizza Express.  It was a great night but went so quickly.  I am sorry that they are going back to Canada on Monday.  I would love to have spent so much more time with them.

It's been raining all day and I think I will have to put the central heating on soon.  Last night I spent ages looking for my hot water bottle and couldn't find it.  A hotty is quite the thing you know.  Quite frankly I don't care whether it's the thing or not.  The night before last I was so cold I couldn't sleep.  Not that I sleep much anyway, but I get so tired if toss about all night.  I don't know, we had a bloomin awful summer, didn't we?  But we had a late and lovely 'Indian Summer' during September, so although this cold snap has been a real shock to us we shouldn't complain.  I am going to have a big bowl of hot carrot and onion soup.  I'll be eating my carrot soup while my darling Diana, in America, is eating her bowl of hot chili. 

Today I looked for the guy who stole my CV, who copied my actress CV from my website and pasted it onto his own changing only the characters I played to male. Can you believe someone would do that? Well believe it. I'll threaten him with Equity, and if he doesn't remove my work from his website I'll get Equity's legal department onto him.

I also went to a concert at St. Peter’s.  Our lovely music director played piano with Chloe Herington on bassoon.  It was good, but only 13 people turned up.  I guess when people work all week Saturday is the day the do shopping and stuff.  Still I enjoyed it.

Another long and winding day.  No complaints.  Seen some friends.  Lovely service at Church with the lovely Fr. Michael.  Ah...  he is so nice.  Went to a dinner party not so long ago and sat next to him - a very interesting man.  Bought the Review with my articles in it - Thank you to David Chapman, the only man who publishes me - and I've been working this afternoon and earning money.  What a fab day.  Now it's time for a glass of the red stuff (or another glass, had one earlier) and then dinner, a big bowl of pasta.  Mmm, who is interested in my ramblings? 

Listened to DJ Zylem tonight.  He's a new DJ who I interviewed on my show some weeks ago, and then suggested him for Raiders One - and I'm glad I did because he was very good.  Not my kind of music, but he mixed it brilliantly and he has a ...good young presenting style.  Not sure about the shades but hey, what do I know he was a very good and original presenter of music.

Raiders was OK but it’s lost its sparkle.  I rarely go for a drink after my show these days because there’s no one around.  Tonight I went to the Exhibit with Mike and when he went off to do whatever it is he does updating the website, I settled into the corner with my glass of red and read Malcolm Bradbury’s ‘Doctor Criminale’ while I waited for Jan and then at 10pm Peter.  What did I get?  Mike’s friend who was rude to Jan and who Jan wouldn't speak to, and if Jan blanks you he blanks you.  He did it to me for almost two years – and so did this other guy now I think of it.  Anyway, Jan arrived, wouldn’t speak to the guy (and I can’t blame him because the other guy was rude to him) so the guy went to the 99p a pint pub, leaving Jan and I to wait for Peter.  Peter was told to go to the 99p a pint pub and so the person I’d waited for, ‘my mate’ didn’t turn up until I was leaving.  The games, the games, they are all beyond me.

Today I spent 7 hours today on doing market research, went to a Requiem Mass Funeral and posted the only eBay item I've sold - my Barbie doll, and then when I thought could relax with a glass of the red stuff the door bell rang.  A young 'Jack the lad' by the name of Glen was throwing his pencil case up in the air when suddenly it flew out of his hands and over the wall of my steps leading to the Gatehouse.  Yeah right!  Still we got it eventually.

Raiders.  I feel as if I’m treading water, because no one cares about raiders 2.  The leaflets for Raiders 1 are good lively photos of the DJ’s at work, action type, and exciting photos.  For Raiders 2 there is a strange bloke that I have never met, giving the V-sign.  Not how I wish to be represented at all.  The V-sign is much more Raiders 1, or as Mike calls it, ‘The Youth Station.’  The thing is I don’t do it for my ego, to me I’ve been doing it for a long time and it costs a lot of money to keep going, so I want to be appreciated by the management.  Whatever…  If I say anything it’s taken as a personal slight, so best keep my mouth shut.  I’ll keep playing my music while there’s an audience, but a bit of appreciation would go a long way.

I would like not to have to keep pushing back the sofa cushions because they keep sliding forward all the time. 

I’d like not to have to straighten the throw on my sofa 100 times a night

I’d like not to have a throw at all. 

I’d like a new sofa.

I would like to sleep at night.

I would like not to have hot flushes

I’d like not have to keep pushing my hair out of my face because it makes me feel so hot.  It was a crap cut.  No it was a good cut, but my hair is too thick for the style.  It looked fab for a while and then the fringe that was too long anyway, wouldn’t stay out of my eyes so I’ve cut the buggar.  

I’d like not to feel depressed.

I’d like not to have to buy basics food all the time.

I’d like … I don’t know what I’d like.  I’d like not to be tired.  I’d like to sleep through the night.  I can’t remember the last time I had a good nights sleep.

I’d like someone to talk to.

Made some cards for birthdays from photographs I’d taken at the wedding.  Got to send them off as birthday cards.  I'm proof reading the political publication I've been working on and I'm trying to edit the novel at the same time.  And I'm earning money too...  Very tricky to fit it all in. 

I had an offer on the flat today from a pompous solicitor.  40k less that it's on the market for.  You can imagine my answer.  Word of one syllable, beginning in n and ending in o...  Anyway, 3 articles if that's OK.  One is a short one with a photograph of two of our congregation on their wedding day.

DJ Zylem on raiders 2

Great guy

Great DJ

Great rapport

And err ‘great’ music if your 20

But hey, he was offered at show once month presenting music on raiders 1 –

How cool is that.

I missed meeting  my friend Janie this afternoon because she's up in Gawsworth doing 'Sherlock Homes and the Hounds of the Baskevilles’ or ‘Shirley and the Dogs' Still we can meet up when she is back mid-month at the Perfect Blend?  It’s bound to be after 6 O’clock somewhere in the world!

Tomorrow I have two viewings (bloody estate agents).  Where do they get off arguing with me?  The same guy has not had someone turn up twice now.   I rushed so much today to get my work done and the flat vacuumed and polished.  It’s never dirty or untidy it’s just that when I’m working at this pace I don’t always have time to vac and dust.  Now I shall have to go to the shops before the estage agent comes and then proof read the PPC stuff after.  Yes, I shall be proof reading for my fab client Tony Samphire tomorrow.

I have a day without any paid work...  Should I be worried I said to myself?  Well, perhaps I should.  But I'm not going to waste my energy worrying about something I can't do anything about.  Instead, I put the answer machine on the landline telephone, switched off the mobile, made a large pot of coffee, and came up to my study, to 1939, and I wrote all day - Yeah!

Best show for a long time.  Should have had a visiting DJ in, but he phoned to say he had a paid gig.  That is fine by me; he’s coming into my show next week instead. 

Beverly and Jason, two young people that come to my Church, were married at St. Peter's today.  The bride wore white... sorry, the groom wore white and the bride looked radiant in stunning antique gold. 

It's been a great week going into town to work instead of working from home. It made a nice change, but I'd forgotten how exhausting travelling is. Still, no complaints, I like the variety of work, and I like the money.  Now I'm settling down to some writing of my own; editing the first three chapters of 'Acres' and getting it ready to send out.   

I always think, if children like you, you must be OK.  Well, on Sunday when I came home I was walking on air.  Amy and Edwin’s boys are beautiful.  What handsome young chaps they are. My year was made when they kissed me goodbye on Sunday morning, the morning after the wedding.  There is nothing to compare to the spontaneous love and affection of children.  Love them

Just finished working on the first edition of a publication for Prospective Parliamentary Candidates 2009/10.  It was different and much better than stuffing envelopes.  The second part of the job doesn't start until after Lavery Rowe, so how lucky is that?

I've got my friend, Claire, the Controller of Raiders 2 coming from America on 22nd and 23rd and then I'm up to Lutterworth for a wedding on the 24^th (wedding 25^th) and I have bought a Paul Costello outfit for the wedding - and it is fab. 

Got in touch with my old friend Amira Polan in Israel, well she’s listed in facebook as Sweden, but hey…  Ami played leading roles at the theatre in 'Haifa' a while ago, and since then played a character called, Madalayn.  How funny.  I wish I could have seen it.  I was in Haifa in 1999.  Henrik (my x now, but we were together from 1992 to 2000) and I went to Cyprus and we took the cruise across to Israel.  We had dinner on the ship and then slept through the night until we arrived (after breakfast) in Haifa and boarded a coach.  We drove through Tel Aviv and on to Jerusalem.  We went to the Bethlehem and the Church of Nativity (where an Armenian Bishop blessed me), and then to the Garden of Gethsemane; we walked through the Arab quarter (where Jesus walked carrying the cross) to the Wailing Wall, where I prayed.  It was very moving and very respectful.  Then after lunch we went to Golgotha and to the Church that is built over Christ's burial place.  I thought of Ami when the ship docked in Haifa but there was no way of getting in touch and the excursion was so packed there was no time to look round Tele Aviv or Haifa.

            I’m so pleased she’s still acting and she has her own touring company, well seven of them are like a co-operative I think.  Even so, it’s wonderful.  My last acting role was in a children’s serial on Channel 5 – three years ago.  Since then I’ve been writing my second novel and trying to get my first novel published – not an easy job.  I'm rewriting to get it out there again.  Writing and trying to get published is as difficult as acting.  I’ve been paying the mortgage by working in Research and Editorial for a political publication and inputting computer work.

Bit sad today.  I've done the wrong thing while trying to do the right thing.  I offered a young boy at Church to take him and buy him his confirmation shirt.  I told him to tell his mum and dad (who are estranged and who both have problems) that we were going down the road to Streatham, but when he told his dad his dad said he wasn’t to go with me.  He said he didn’t know me or who I was and any way, he was going to buy his confirmation shirt.  Oh dear, I was only trying to help.  But as usual I didn’t think.  I opened my mouth with what I thought was a good idea and got it wrong again.  I do hope his dad isn’t angry with him for agreeing to come with me.

I’m trying to take my own advice at the moment.  I’ve been a bit down wondering how to get the courage and confidence to start writing letters to literary agents and to send the first three chapters of the re-edited novel out, again.

I told Lizzy, the lovely controller of raiders 1, that, ‘Everyone you meet, everyone that you impress, is a step in the right direction.  And, while you're in a positive frame of mind (but having to wait for a reaction from them), why not write some new stuff.  Exercise your singing (for me writing) muscles every chance you get and write stuff for yourself.’  I've got such a good feeling about the future for my friend Lizzy and for me too. ‘Whatever you do,’ I said to Lizzy, ‘keep writing and keep singing.’  For me it’s writing not singing, but the same rule applies.  Sing every day, write every day, meet people every day and, most of all, enjoy every day.

Working for my lovely boss Tony in Research and editorial for a publication profiling Prospective Parliamentary Candidates for the General Election 2009/10.

David Foran, one of my facebook and radio mates said, “Happiness is often found when you let go of the fear - and happiness will allow you to see the world differently.  When you feel this good imagine, what is possible” http://www.ManchesterRadioOnline.Com http://www.ForeverManchester.Com

Glastonbury.  Sat up until the early hours to watch Bruce Springsteen.  No wonder they call him the Boss.  And the East Street Band were equally brilliant.

Wow!  Neil Young at Glastonbury.  Old and grey, but bloody fantastic.

I'm just off for a walk, and a think.  I'm going to the bottom of Streatham and then I shall walking up to Streatham Hill and then home in a triangle.  I'm £112 over my overdraft limit, because the rent doesn't go in until tomorrow.  My lovely neighbours in the house next door are having their attic converted so, because their attic is on the same level as my study, there's constant and very loud drilling.  That coupled with the noise an earth-digger, digging out the ground three houses along where there is going to be some flats built, there is no way I can concentrate to read or to write.  So, I'm going walk and a think.  As you know thinking can be as good as writing, and anyway it clears away the cobwebs...  Err, on Streatham High Road...?  May be not, but I'm going anyway.

The Prog Rock band Wishbone Ash celebrate their 40th Anniversary this year with a show and party at the Shepherds Bush Empire.  They are also releasing a new album and DVD at the end of the summer to mark their 40 years as a band, and I have been asked if I'd be interested in interviewing lead singer Andy Powell about his career?  YES!  I would give my back teeth to interview him.  I expect because the band are only in town for August and then, after appearing in Shepherds Bush they’re off on tour, there’ll be a lot of DJ’s from a lot of other bigger radio stations wanting to interview him, but at least I’ve been asked, so you never know! 

Tonight a lovely woman who I thought was just right for the flat came to view it and liked it very much, but she had seen a flat - smaller than mine - with a balcony round the corner that she liked too.  There have been half a dozen viewings so far and out of them 3 people were perfect, or so I thought.  But I am philosophical.  If the flat sells I go, and if it doesn't sell, I shall have to stay.  The only thing is, I have to earn money to pay the mortgage, so although I've had quite a good year so far, I pray for more and regular paid work. 

Foxtons Estate Agency is very good, the staff work hard and are very nice - especially Alice.

I was blown away by the music of a four piece band called ‘Rocket Number Nine’ The band, four local South London singer-songwriters, were made up of brothers Ed and Tim - keyboards, guitars, and vocals.  Mark on drums and George on bass guitar.  I loved their clever, catchy, melodies and lyrics, and I’ve invited them back to Raiders to review their second album which they are working on now and which should be finished by the end of July.  And they have invited me down to their recording studio, Rocket Science Records, in Clapham to watch them work.  How cool is that?  I can’t wait!

The Bedford Bandstand is in an extraordinary space shaped like a Shakespearean globe and called, The Theatre.  From Monday to Thursday you can see new artists and bands, and admission is free.  Having said that the drinks in the theatre are expensive.  However, my wonderfully talented good friend Lizzy from Raiders 1 and I managed to consume a quantity of interesting beverages. 

I was invited to the Launch of Andrew Morris’s debut EP ‘Longbeach.’  It was a night of acoustic pop and rock that began with singer-songwriters Stephanie Gautier and Susie Clarke. 

Stephanie Gautier opened the show with a set of jazzy-soulful, slightly funky pop songs, accompanied by an acoustic guitarist and drummer who beat the skin and the box – very different and I loved it. 

Susie Clark, accompanied by her band, played guitar and sang catchy songs with meaningful lyrics.  I was knocked out by a track called ‘Time’ because of how the soulful tempo suddenly changed into a rock tempo, and then changed back again.  It’s no wonder that with such a distinctive and rich voice, Susie Clarke was the number one female artist in MTV’s search for the UK’s most original talent 2008.

Andrew Morris appeared with a full band and a serious face.  I think he was nervous, but he soon relaxed and gave an almost full house - most of whom had come to see him, or if they were supporting one of the other acts they had stayed - a great 45 minutes of powerful acoustic pop/folk-rock.  Andrew, a criminal lawyer by day, has supported Marillion, won the Playmusic Award for Best Solo Artist 2008, played Glastonbury in 2008 and had his EP ‘Hotly Tipped’ by Itunes. 

The old cliché is, ‘Don’t give up the day-job’ but in Andrew Morris’s case, ‘Do give it up!’

What killed the pigeon?  Who knows!

The strangest thing happed today.  I called over to see my best friend Janie who was working on her garden.   When she stopped work and joined me on the patio we decided that it must be six o’clock somewhere in the world in which case it was time for a drink, so she poured me vodka and tonic and herself a gin and tonic.  It was just what we needed.  After a busy week it was so nice to sit and relax in the late afternoon sunshine in her lovely garden. 

     While we were sipping our drinks and chatting we saw a pigeon sitting in the middle of the lawn.  We made a joke about her cat, Nero, not seeing the bird and then the pigeon suddenly took flight and flew over our heads towards the house.  We took no notice until we heard a dull thud, then we got up from our chairs and looked along the path at the side of the house to see if anyone had come through the front garden gate (which makes a sort of thud when door marries frame), but no one had entered the garden.  The noise had been made by the poor pigeon.  It had flown into the wall of the house and was now lying on the path, dead.  So we headed back to the patio, where we had been sitting, and began to mount the steps to the house to get rubber gloves and an appropriate bag etc.  Before we entered I noticed blood on my trousers, on the glass that had held my V and T – now empty thank goodness - and all the way up the stairs to the French windows.  Bit of a weird thing to happen and very sad, poor little pigeon.

Great night of music.  Peter wasn't there so I did a double show.  Even the lads were down and although we ended up in the rough pub, it was a fun night.  More later...

My goodness this year is speeding past.  I am at last in funds.  Well, I’m not in funds yet because the cheque arrived just in time to go into the bank and sit there over the May Bank holiday.  That means the gold jewellery I hocked at the pawn shop, which I could have collected in time had there not have been a Bank holiday, will cost me another £11.  It will be £22 + now instead of £11 because it it’s not reclaimed within one month you have to pay for two months.  Quite right too, I understand, but now for one day I’ll have to pay double.  Agh!   Still I have a job coming in next week and one the week after, so no writing for a while but hey, at least the bills will be paid. 

Never mind about not liking Monday, because I'm writing rubbish and mending what isn’t broken.   I don't like Tuesdays either, because I am writing rubbish again.  The thing is, I thought it was OK until I re-read it and nope!  Thank goodness I have computer work to do to keep me from writing. 

27^th April

Monday, Monday, forget that day…  Monday, Monday, just turned out to be-ee-ee.  Oh Monday, Monday… and so the song goes on.  Waiting for work to arrive, the bell isn’t working and I’m broke.  I sat down to read what I’d written over the weekend and what a waste of time that was.  I’m mending what isn’t broke again. 

Lovely day.  AGM after Church and then I went to Streatham Hill, to The Perfect Blend and had a coffee with Mike.  I downloaded Richard Harris’s version of ‘MacArthur Park.’  My goodness what a fantastic track it is.  I loved Richard Harris when I knew him.  I didn’t know him for long; it was just while I was working at The Theatre Royal on the Haymarket.  I did Shakespeare’s Antony and Cleopatra in the West End in the late 80s.  Richard was a friend of Vanessa Redgrave’s and what a lovely guy he was.  He was very good looking and sexy for his age.  He definitely had ‘it’.  We all went for a meal to a fab French Restaurant on Charing Cross Road, I think it was.  It was David Thacker’s birthday (David is married to Margo Lester who played Charmian and he also directed me in ‘Relatively Speaking’ at Lancaster, the season before Margo worked there, but that’s another story.)  Any way, Richard didn’t come with us.  I did ask him, I found him fascinating, but he said no because he didn’t eat and he didn’t drink.  He did eat of course, but not rich restaurant food.  I think he said he was on a Macrobiotic diet – though don’t quote me – but it was something like that.

Sat 28^th. 

Party in the Crypt.  My friends at Church are such nice people – and they all work so hard to keep social activities happening.  Saturday’s a good night for me because I rarely go out on a Saturday night these days and with the Church being round the corner it’s easy to walk to and to walk home from. 

Dear Blog…  I can’t sleep, I’m up at 6am and I’m exhausted by ten at night.  I’ve been writing and enjoying it so much.  The novel has been slow in moving, but I’m getting there at last.  I read it and it’s good.  Sometimes I wonder if it really was me who wrote it, then I read on and eventually find several paragraphs that don’t read interesting enough, or fast enough.  I love writing I really do.

I’m getting on with the edit of the first three chapters.  I want it to be perfect before I send it out so I’m reading it once more and praying that I don’t find any boring or repetitive sentences, or paragraphs.  How strange it is that one day the novel reads well, quickly, and I can’t see anything that needs to be changed and the next day it feels stilted and clumsy – and I am so lacking in confidence that I put right what wasn’t broken!  Get a grip girl and get some belief in yourself.

I am so fed up of working, invoicing and then having to beg for my invoice to be paid after 30 days.  And I’m sick of the people that owe me money talking to me as if they are doing me a favour or making a special concession or arrangement to pay me after 5 weeks when my payment terms are clearly set out as 30 days.  Even kids who are straight out of Uni talk to me as if I’m a special case.  I would like to hear what they’ve got to say if they are not paid by the end of the month.  It isn’t fair and it isn’t right. 

Oliver from Foxton’s came round today.  I have decided to sell the flat and leave London.  I have no reason to stay here.  I love St. Peter's and my friends there, but my acting friends, my friends from the 80s are all married, or living with someone, or working – and they don’t need me any more.

Re: The Muslim guys taking the Mickey out of the bus driver.  I had a go at them.  Big mistake.  I should know better

I was furious because I have paid for teenage girls who either didn’t have the fair or who only had notes.  These guys were trying it on, the driver couldn’t say anything for fear of being accused of being racist, but I said something, I told them exactly what I thought of them.  They each gave £20 note knowing they would have to be taken to their destination and knowing they would not have to pay.  I have had enough of struggling to pay for people who come to this country and have everything where I get nothing.

I DO NO LONGER WANT TO LIVE IN A CITY WHERE PEOPLE WHO DO NOT KNOW THE LANGUAGE KNOW HOW TO WORK THE SYSTEM.  TONIGHT TWO EXTREMELY WELL DRESSED MEN GOT ON THE 315 BUS, THE LOCAL BUS THAT TAKES OUR OAP’S TO THEIR HOMES, AND EACH OFFERED THE DRIVER a £20 NOTE.  THE DRIVER NATURALLY SAID HE COULD NOT CHANGE THE NOTES AND SO THEY HAD TO TRAVEL FOR NOTHING.  I WAS SO ANGRY AND THEY KNEW IT.  THEY WERE MEAN LOOKING.  I'M SICK OF PEOPLE TAKING ADVANTAGE.

On Thursday 9^th April, or Maundy Thursday, I went to the most moving service at St.Peter’s.  Father Peter washed 12 of our feet during the service as Jesus did to his disciples during, or before the last supper.  It was overwhelming.  Then as the service ended the lights began to go out until only there were only 6 candles on the alter were still burning and the choir’s reading lights were on.  It was powerful in the dark.  Then in the Lady Chapel we sat in silence and left in silence.

Claire came down to Raiders.  Great night!  Eveyone there…  Just like it used to be.  Jan and I had a good chat and finally after bringing our past disagreements up three times he let it drop and now maybe, just maybe, our relationship as radio presenters on the same station will be more amicable, friendly even, in the future. 

I am fed up of juggling credit card payments every morning before I sit down to my coffee and muesli.  I am fed up of the disappointment of eBay, of not seeing the items I’ve listed go green (the listing only goes green if someone has bid on it).

I’ve been up an hour already.  I couldn’t go back to sleep when I got up to use the bathroom, there’s no other reason.  Well, maybe there is…  I was thinking about my poor mum 59 years ago.  I would have been a real surprise in the early hours of that morning.  Her backache turned into my birth a month earlier than expected.  Middle of the night it was, 3am give or take.  Poor mum.  Physically she never really recovered.  She should have been a Caesarean section and didn’t, well couldn't – ‘nough said.  My head is full of fantastic ideas for my new book, and it’s a beautiful morning.  Looking out of my bedroom window, well any window in the flat, the city of London looks magnificent.  London is bathed in sunshine, the city is sparkling, the windows in the buildings in Canary Wharf are winking in the sun.  It’s a beautiful day and my world is good.  I have no money until I sell the flat, but I have good health, I am loved, I can afford to eat (albeit on the credit card), I have a great family and fantastic friends – what more can a person possibly want?  I’m grateful to be here in this world at this time.   Today is my 59th birthday and my new confident life starts here. 

Saw my gorgeous doctor today.  I don't know why I get silly when I see him.  As my friend Topping said, 'He'd never leave you for another woman, dear!'  And that's true.  Any way, I had to get my hearing sorted.  Hope the nasal spray does the trick.  Can’t see how it will clear my ears, but then the tubes are all linked so….  And he is lovely.  I get all silly when I go to see him.  He’s so lovely.  The chemist on the High Road is a bit of all right too.  Known him as long as I’ve known my doctor.  Hey, ho!  Bed now then.  Have to get through this job and onto the writing.  I wish I could tell all about the new book.  I’m screaming to tell, but I can’t.  Zzzzzzzzzzzzip!

What a lovely day.  Today I had lunch with four friends; two were host and hostess and the other two were guys from the choir at my Church.  And was a wonderful afternoon it was too, and evening.  I had forgotten what it’s like to sit and relax with friends, eat a lovely meal and then sit and chat over a bottle of good wine.  I will definitely have the kitchen altered at mums.  Oh to sit and chat over looking the garden on a summer’s day.  Mm, lovely.

Last night I had a horrid dream.  I dreamed I was giving someone who I worked with and who I admired – and who had just lost their daughter - support.  It was cold and they were inconsolable.  I gave them my shawl and although they took the shawl they pushed me away.  Later I was walking in the street, feeling sad at because of my ‘friend/mentor’s loss, when they appeared wearing a mackintosh (from round a corner) on a bicycle and almost knocked me over.  How strange is that?  Usually I can go back to sleep immediately and change the ending, so the dream ends nicely.  I have lots of strange dreams, some are quite horrid, and I’ve changed a lot of endings.  However, this time I woke up and got up.  And I remember it almost as well 12 hours later; it’s almost as if I had just dreamed it.  The vividness, the clarity will diminish though.  I find if I keep trying to remember it will gradually fade, and I will remember less and less.  If it is still with me when I go to bed tonight I’ll re-dream it.  Love re-dreaming.

It’s the saddest thing.  I feel so sorry for Vanessa (Redgrave) and Natasha Richardson’s husband and family.  I knew Natasha and Joely, and their cousin Jemma when they were young, in their teens, when I was playing Iras in Antony and Cleopatra with Vanessa Redgrave and Kika Markham.  They are all lovely girls, or they were – they are women now of course.  And like Vanessa, the girls were ordinary.  They treated me (who was the only unknown actress there) as they did anyone else.  Their grandfather was Sir Michael Redgrave; their grandmother was the wonderful Rachel Kempson, and their father a famous director – Richardson, but they were just normal lovely young women - they had no ‘airs’. 

A lesson to us all I think, when one day you can be enjoying some leisure time and the next hour you’re in a coma.  It’s such a shock it’s unbelievable.  Like Princess Diana, Natasha Richardson leaves two young sons.  How sad that she has died. 

Really enjoyed my show, but couldn’t even afford to go for a drink.  Good for my health I suppose, but still….  And, I don’t know how I’m going to afford to do my shows next month.  Sold some more charms from my gold bracelet today, to get past one of the credit card bills, but if I don’t get paid soon – for the work I did in February – I’ll be paying the bloody Mews Management a £50 fine for late payment.  It’s a nightmare…  Goodness knows how people with large mortgages are managing.  Halifax is threatening me because of an outstanding £191 from an old bank/debit account.  They charge me overdraft fees, but they are like ferrets down a hole after a rat – or maybe they’re trapped rats in fear of the ferret.  They certainly are the tightest of banks.  When I finally sell, I won’t be putting any of my flat money in Halifax – they’ve had there lot from me with the out of work insurance I pay every month but can’t claim on because I’m self-employed.  Shouldn’t have sold it to me… 

Sunday morning Church, and by the time I go to bed at night (after receiving a bill from the F…..g Mews Management threatening that, if I don’t pay the charges on time, I’ll have to pay a £50 fine.  They are such no-mark, mini-gods.  And the Salt man is such a patronising, non confrontational, rabbit of a man.  I despise him and all the other tin pot management bores.  Agggghhhhhhhhhhhh!  I hate them.  And as for Shaun who I thought was ok, sending me the fine.  Well, I do not have words for him that are less or more than four letters.

I feel really dodgy.  I have an ear infection, repetitive strain in my left wrist from too much work on the computer and my legs are aching so much I can hardly climb the ladder.  Ladder?  I hear you say.  Well, yes, ladder.  That is how I get up to my study, but a very nice wooden ladder. 

I must find a better way of doing the shopping than carrying heavy goods about waiting for a bus.  Perhaps the thing to do is to shop daily and that way I get exercise as well.  One thing is for sure I can’t do this hill with heavy bags hanging off my arms.

I’m going to have a hot bath and go to bed with a mug of hot milk and honey, and two pain killers.

Friday 13^th is a lucky day for me, always has been.  I like Fridays because the weekend starts at the end of the day, and 13 is my lucky number - well after the number 7 it is.  And apart from the fact that I accidentally donated £25 to The Actors Benevolent Fund instead of the minimum payment to my credit card, I’ve been busy and working – and SMILING all day.

Unexpectedly, my friend Topping told me that I wasn’t to worry about the child I didn’t have.  I was so taken aback.  I said, ‘I don’t remember telling you about that.’  He said, ‘You didn’t tell me, but there’s a beautiful young man standing at your side.’  And he says there's no need to worry.  He said my child was beautiful and when I cried he said my child, my son, didn’t blame me for not being able to carry him, and that I did the right thing.  My friend said my child was a boy, but I knew that, I have always known in my heart that the baby that wasn’t to be was a boy.  There isn’t a day goes by that I don’t think of him and wish things had been different.  I can’t change the past, but I can love him, love the memory of what might have been.  And thanks to my friend I have, after all these years, begun to accept what happened and started to forgive myself.  God bless him.

There are always problems at the station.  I did a two hour show and loved every minute of it, but still there was unpleasantness when two of the DJ’s came in late.  No apologies no excuses they just laughed.  Then I had to wait for half an hour for a bus.  I didn’t do any work when I got home, because I was too tired and too hungry.  Where’s the camaraderie, the sticking together, helping and supporting each other.  Not at Raiders – that’s for sure.  

 Set up some stuff on Tony’s job, tested the QDF programme on Jayne’s job and got that sorted, and then input 1/3 of it.  Then I went down to The Perfect Blend and met Janie and Billy for coffee.  I couldn’t hear half of what was being said.  Poor Gloria, my lovely cousin who was born deaf, I really feel for her whenever this happens to me.  Bless her, she lived with this feeling all her life.  Well, all her short life.  To die at 54 is a short life.  Yesterday would have been my best friend Wendy's birthday, had she not have died at the age of 31, and today would have been my darling mum’s birthday.  She was born in 1923 so she would have been 86.  I’m not working tonight I’m going down to light a candle by mum and dad’s photograph, pour a small glass of red wine and relax.  I’ll cook dinner and eat later - and I thank God for my good health and strength.

Jobs are like London busses, particularly the 417, you wait and wait and then two come at once.  Or like men?  Mmmm, men.  When they found me attractive – for whatever reason – I would go for months telling myself that I didn’t need a fella, life was so much easier without one – and it was, of course it was - and then I’d find myself swept off my feet by two at the same time - and by the time I’d decided which was the best, the best for me that is, I’d have lost them both.  And as luck would have it, I have sold my last autograph on eBay and don’t have anything on there now.  There’s stuff that didn’t sell – and some of it I put on twice, but I’m saving that until a free day, or a 5p weekend.  Thanks to selling some of my god jewellery and eBay, I kept the wolf from the door until I got work.  Good old eBay…  And I shall never feel embarrassed about going into a pawn broker; the women in the West Norwood shop are nice.

Strange when you can’t hear properly, even with your headphones.  Actually it’s so much worse trying to co-ordinate tracks as well as gauge the sound equipment that I just didn’t bother, and so presented my show free of the headphones or restriction - I just had fun.  Now I have to listen to the tape to see if it sounds all right.  And the webcam went down so no one could see me, but did I care?  Nope, I did not.

It is ludicrous.  I have a house in the Midlands and my flat in London and I am paying £22 to Barclays every time a direct debit or a standing order is paid, because I am overdrawn.  Overdrawn over my overdraft I should say – and by £7.  How ridiculous is it that I am selling gold jewellery at the porn/jewellers shop in West Norwood and selling my paperweight collection for half of what I paid for it on eBay, just to keep cash-flow happening in my bank account until I am paid for the job I'm doing at present, which will mid to the end of March.  And then what?  Then I’ll be selling something else, because I may not have any work after that - and so it goes on.  And by the time the next job comes in, and I’ve done it, invoiced it, been paid for it - another 6 weeks have gone by.  It is ludicrous, is it not?

Good Lord why can't I string two words together and make sense of them.  I am so stressed and worried, yet I am constantly grateful for my wonderful life, my lovely home and my great family and friends.  So why do I feel so down.  This is the time, when I have no work, that I should be writing, but I can't make any sense of it.  I am so distracted all the time.

Raiders Music from 1963 to 2009 From Martin Luther King Jnr. to the inauguration Barack Obama

Music from Bob Dylan, whose songs, such as 'Blowin' in the Wind' and 'The Times They Are a-Changin'' became anthems of the anti-war and civil rights movements.  I also played tracks from ‘The Byrds, The Hollies and Manfred Mann, because they all covered Dylan’s songs.  I played The Rolling Stones and of course The Boss, Bruce Springsteen – all of whom were connected, or influenced by Dylan.  The Rolling Stones?  I played ‘Like a Rolling Stone’, by the Rolling Stones. 

I also did a profile, all be it a very short profile on Dr. Martin Luther King Junior's ‘I had a Dream’ Speech.  For all the people that had a dream (in 1963) that one day children would not be judged by the colour of their skin, but by the content of their character, and that the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners, will be able to sit down together and realise that all men are created equal. 

I believe that one day in the not too distant future Martin Luther King Jnr’s Dream will come true, and the millions of people on The Mall in Washington DC yesterday, and the hundreds of millions all around the world, who watched the inauguration of Barack Obama, the 44^th President of the USA, on television really, really did witness the beginning of Martin Luther King Jnr’s dream coming true – on Tuesday 20^th January 2009. 

Another loss because the buyer asked, quite rightly, for a reduction in postage costs if I posted together.  Of course I said yes, so I've lost out because I bought the items separately.  But it's a gain because I bought them two years ago so the money has long gone.    I've transferred £50 this week, but by God it's taken a lot of hours photographing the paperweights, putting them on eBay, writing descriptions, weighing them for postage and then - watching them being watched but not sold.  28 paperweights on eBay now and only 5 sold.  Is it worth it I hear you ask?  Well, it's shifting money from about and I've added to and not taken out of my current account, so it must be I guess.  I'm off to the post office now.  Bye...

What I hate more than anything is when I can’t make something work, when I can't work it out, mend it, make it better.  Take this new template for my novel, please won't sombody take it.  Only joking, I can’t make the spell check stay as English UK, it keeps returning to English US and so it tells me I have tons of spelling mistakes, which I don’t, but the problem is, I’m a lousy speller so I could be writing almost anything.  One thing I know for sure, we English put s’s where the Americans use z’s.  You see, I’ve just written this little paragraph in two minutes - and word has all I need.  So, after a day trying to change the new template from Microsoft US all bloomin day, I think I’ll just go back to what I’m used to. 

I would hate to lose my website, so I've done the deed and paid the fee for another year.  Now I'm wondering if Mr Site realises there is still 30 days to go before the end of my previous year.  I wonder if my next annual renewal date will be 30 days from 'one year' today (8^th Feb 2010) or whether half way through December 2009, I’ll be asked to pay the fee again?  (I'll have forgotten by December).  So far I haven’t had any proof of dates, though I have to say the payment company Nonchex was immediate in sending receipt of my money.  Very good, Nonchex are.  I added them to my Blocked Senders list – goodness knows why.  I must have had them highlighted when I was blocking someone else.  I used to get so many rubbish sales emails.  I guess it’s my own fault because years ago, in my naivety, I sent an email with a sting telling one penis enlarging company that I was not a man and asked them to refrain from sending me emails that were neither use nor ornament to me.  Yep, that told them all there was someone at this address and gave them the green light to keep sending.  They drove me mad, but that was a long while ago now.  Now I have a way of not letting them download at all.  Mind you I haven’t found a way to stop them coming to my website email.  Ignoring them seems to slow things down.

Must go, I’ve have several workmen here and I have to get some eBay stuff in the post - and there are a dozen other things that I have to do.  The possibility of a job coming in has spurred me on to do a million things that I know if I don’t do now I won’t have time to do next week.  And I have to check what I’ve changed in the first three chapters of ‘Foxden Acres.’  Amazing isn’t it?  A bit of work in the offing and I’m on top of the world…  Little things aye?  It used to be an acting job, or someone accepting some of my writing that put a spring in my step and a smile on my face.  Now it’s inputting data or typing up verbatims.  I still go online to Spotlight and CCP as well as a few other websites, and of course I pray for acting and writing work – I’m about to send the 1^st 3 chapters of my novel out again now they’ve been rewritten.  But the reality is I’m grateful for any work so I can pay the bills. 

Last night, I heard the most realistic knocking on my door.  I knew the post was delivering a parcel and I expect I was dreaming I could hear the postman, since I didn’t hear him knock the morning before.  What a day!  So much has happened.  I was up at 7 because that’s when the sorting office said the delivery would be.  It actually came at 8.30.  I wrote letters, emails, paid credit cards and other bills, burned some music, wrote my show for tonight, and went to Sainsbury’s to buy some food.  Shopping is boring when you have to look for the cheapest.  I was at the studio early and did a one and a half hour show, and I got home hungry.  I was so hungry I fried eggs and tomatoes and had bread and butter with it – yummy.  Not good for the cholesterol mind you, but a girl’s gotta eat what a girl’s gotta eat.  And a bit of what you fancy, and all that!

I’m up at 7 in the morning too.  My lovely neighbour wants an early morning call and since I’ll be up for the builders it’s not a problem.  I’ll Blog tomorrow.  Good night.  M x

How bloomin cheeky!  I was about to add the above to my blog when my website provider, Mr Site, sent a message saying I had 30 days left before I have to renew my package.  Right, 30 days, fine…  And the programme wouldn’t let me in without I renewed there and then.  I think a letter is in order, don’t you?

Doesn’t it all happen at once?

“Oh no it doesn’t.”

“Oh yes it does.”

It does at the moment.   Mind you, I work better under pressure.   Bring it on I say!   Since the New Year, I have sourced a new contents insurance company and saved my self £200 – or saved myself a standing order of £27+ a month, because I paid £100.9p on my credit card.   Then, because they are all about to start charging interest, I sold on my credit cards to 3 new card companies with 0% interest (one for 6 months and 2 for 12 months).   Thank you, Martin Lewis, well for the last one anyway.   So, I have   until Christmas 2009, or the beginning of Jan 2010 to earn enough, sell enough, or to move and pay them off.   I can’t believe it, the Lutterworth insurance has gone up to £550 – more than a months rent, so that’s the next thing to source.   And the Mews insurance has gone up, and   there is nothing I can do about it because the Mews Insurance fee, or should I say, the Gatehouse building insurance which includes the common parts of the Mews and which I have to pay ¼ of is outrageously high.   The p… that is head of the Mews Management Committee has us tied in so tightly with his preferred insurance company, it’s impossible to change company.   It’s too late now.   What I should have done when first I moved here was set up a meeting with the other leasehold flat owners and found another insurer.   The Mews Management Committee (who are the freeholders) won’t’ do it - why should they?   If we leasehold flat owners have to pay the common parts insurance the freeholders in the Mews houses don’t have to.  

Well, if the tree in Trafalgar Square comes down on 12th Night - and that is today according to the BBC - I think after 50+ years of thinking 12th Night is 6th of Jan, I shall change my habit and take my Christmas cards down.  Had lots this year.  Later...

My mother died on January 4th four years ago and I wasn’t with her.  I wish I'd have gone home the night before, or stayed with her for New Year.  Instead, I caught the first train from Euston on the morning of the 4th and although I was home before 9, I was too late.  I broke into the house and found my wonderful mum dead on the bathroom floor.  She had died during the night, and she had died alone.   I love you mum.

I may have written my first novel almost a decade ago, but I have since rewritten and edited it - and it’s looking good.  Or, should I say it’s reading good.  Well, that’s an Americanism ‘reading good’ so I will say it’s a good read.  Yes, it is definitely a good read.  And my mentor Roger told me about some Microsoft software, a novel template that has the correct page set-up and line spacing etc., which I have downloaded and now it’s looking even better.  So, all I need is a bit of luck.  Like everything in this world luck plays a big part.  I need a literary agent or publisher who is willing to give a first time novelist a chance.  One in a million they say!  Well, why shouldn’t I be that one?  Wish me luck if you've been reading my blog…  Thanks, Maddie x

Why is it we never listen to our inner voice?  Last night I walked to the bus stop on Leigham Court Road, went down to the station at Streatham Hill and jumped on a train to Balham.  I was half way to the bus stop and my inner voice said, 'You should take your earrings off and put them in your handbag until you get to the radio station, or you'll lose one of them.  Well, I didn't listen to my inner voice soon enough, because by the time I got on the bus, one of my earrings had gone.  I was so upset because my cousin Ann bought them for me at Christmas. 

Apart from the fact that they were nice earrings and my cousin Ann was kind to think of me and send them, they matched my garnet ring and didn't look garish with my glasses.  You have to be careful with danglers when you wear glasses, but for some reason these earrings worked a treat, they looked fine with my specs and I really liked them.  So, this morning at the crack of sparrow....  I set off to search the pavements on Leigham Court Road, but nothing, nowt.  Then while I was walking back up the hill, there it was in front of me, in the mud between two paving slabs there was a glint of red glass.  Yippee!  The earring had fallen between two slabs and someone had walked on it and pushed it down in the mud.  If it had fallen onto the pavement it would have been crushed underfoot in no time, but falling where it did saved it from getting smashed.  So, I picked it up and took it home and washed it.  Now I have the two lovely red glass dangling earrings again.  One earring is ever so slightly scratched, but other than that it's perfect.  My neighbour said finding the earring was a good omen for the year to come.  I hope she’s right.  M x

I really enjoyed my show.  I had very few requests so I played music that I like instead of what other people like.  I had a couple of drinks and got a bit merry - well it was New Years Eve.  Adrian Lacey came in and presented a show.  I was so looking forward to seeing him, but as usual he looked at me as if I'd had too much to drink and anyway he had to dash off as always.  Adrian is a good presenter and he knows it.  I think he believes his own press sometimes, but then he's good.  He can be a bit precious.  He makes me feel uncomfortable because he is never relaxed, and so I don't feel relaxed around him.  He takes himself seriously.  I wish him well, but any friendship that was there a few years ago has dwindled now.  Guess now he's married he doesn't need his old friends.  I also feel guilty because I bought a drink for someone who pleads poverty (although they have a job) and was miffed that they left and didn't buy me a drink in return.  He did ask, but he asked a couple of minutes after I’d bought a round, when I still had a full glass - and then he left.  I hate myself for resenting buying him a beer.  However, if I can't afford to buy my round I don't accept a drink on anyone elses round, I buy my own.  But I'm going to forget it because I had such a good show, and it was nice to see Mike in a relaxed environment for a change.  Actually, I need to forget and let go of all the silly, petty, things that irritate me; the office politics of Raiders and the noisy b......s that rev their engines under the gatehouse, and all the other irritating things that I can't do anything about.  Life is good and I am so lucky to be who I am, live where I am, have the wonderful friends that I have, and have the talent to do what I do.  I really am blessed. 

Also tonight, a friend rang when I got back.  He was very sad and told me he felt lonely because he lost his wife two years ago.  I understand because my mum died four years ago Jan 4th.  I listened to him, I offered advice - which I can't help but do - and I felt for him.  But sometimes while you want to help and while you do undrestand what someone is going through, you just want to have a less sad time, a lighter time.  Sorry if that sounds cold and uncaring.  I don't mean it to be.  Gosh, did I write this.  Sounds as if I am a hard b, but I don't think I am.

I HOPE 2009 BRINGS MORE PEACE TO THE WORLD THAN WE'VE KNOWN OF LATE -  And I wish my friends good health, happiness and prosperity during 2009. 

How satisfying is it to get stuff done.  Today, by 10 o'clock I had shown the insurance company surveyor mine and my neighbours roof, from inside and out, and got the OK to get the work done.  It’s now only a matter of waiting for the letter to come in.  Then I updated the stuff that I'd put on eBay yesterday by adding photos and a message saying ‘overseas buyers should get in touch for postage costs’ because I realised my post info is from 2007, which means I've done myself out of any profit.  Then I went online and sourced a new insurance company for my house contents.  Halifax who I’ve been with for 7 years, since I moved here, have put up my house contents insurance by a huge amount and if I hadn’t have read the letter saying, ‘… there is no need to reply to this letter, “x” amount of money will be taken out of your account on the 20^th of each month….'  the standing order would have just gone through as per.  Now I’m paying one third of what Halifax wanted by moving to London Victoria and doing it online.  And, I was able to use my credit card which will help with the out-going’s this month.  One struggling month at a time, but I’m still surviving in this very, very expensive city called London.   I really do feel energised and ready for action.  Tomorrow it's chapter one, two and who knows what...

5p day on eBay meant goodbye, arrivederci, au revoir, auf Wiedersehen, etc., etc., to my lovely paperweight collection.  It has to go! The mortgage is more important.  So, I spent the day, because it was 5p for each item no matter the value of the item, writing tantalising information about each piece.  Then, when I started to download the photographs of the said pw’s some wouldn’t download at all, I had to convert them to ipeg, or whatever it is.  They were already ipeg or whatever...  I think it had something to do with Adobe.  Any way, I eventually got 15 paperweights on eBay before midnight, and those that didn’t have photos I converted and added today.  What a palaver.  And I’m a bit stupid because I put my collection of paperweights on eBay for the price I paid for them yonks ago.  I transferred the cost of packing and postage too, exactly the same value as I’d paid, forgetting that the cost of posting anything has gone up since 2006.  Yep!  Silly aye?  Will I never learn?     

Christmas without the commercialism, that's what I had.  I went to Church in the morning and chilled in the afternoon.  I had my usual smoked salmon and champagne, of course, Mike gave me a bottle of Champers as part of my hamper for getting the award for ‘Best Rock ‘N’ Pop Show 2008’ and it went down a treat with some chocolates my aunt sent me.  Actually, I had more Christmas presents this year than I have for years.  When my darling mum was alive she used to give me money and I always bought clothes to wear at Christmas when I was home with her, but now my lovely cousins send me fab gear.  Susan sent me a lovely unusual black scarf, the kind you wear to go out in, and a pair of soooooooo cool slipslop slippers.  She said I should wear them instead of going around bare foot – and boy is she right.  It is incredibly cold this year.  Ann send me the most brilliant pair of red glass bead earrings that match my big garnet ring – just wished I’d have opened the jiffy earlier, they would have gone great with my outfit I wore at the Raiders Christmas bash.  I couldn’t afford to buy anything new to wear, so I mixed and matched a black silk suit jacket with my very expensive ‘Phase Eight’ skirt, black leggings and high boots.  I looked quite funky, I thought.  But that was not the end of the presents.  I had a very sexy teddy and knickers set in a leopard skin design from my auntie Dianne and box of my favourite chocs, a boots voucher from the Holland family, which since I can’t afford to buy myself any make-up (I’m scraping the jars) I am so grateful for and a top from my auntie Eileen.  Now the top is not my colour, nor style, or I didn’t think it was, but it looks fine under a black jacket so I shall wear it on New Years Eve for my show and then to go out for a drink in afterwards.  So I was truly spoiled by my loving family.  I can’t wait until I have enough money to treat them.  When I've sold my flat and I get back to Lutterworth, I'll really splash out on them all.  Oh, I mustn’t forget, I also had a pink shopping bag with brown polka dots on it for my gorgeous girls who live next door.  I am blessed to have such a wonderful family and such good friends. 

As luck would have it my radio show, being every Wednesday from 7 till 8pm, fell on Christmas Eve, so not only did I enjoy my show (I always do) I stayed on afterwards for a couple of drinks with Mike and Peter.  The Exhibit was closed, which I thought very strange.  You can tell these places are managed chains can’t you?  My parents would never have shut our pub at any time over Christmas.  We didn't open on Christmas Day lunchtime, but we did at night.  Mum used to say there were so many of our locals that didn't have anywhere to go in the evenings that it was only fair to open.  Apart from which, that was when you made your money, at holiday times.  Again I was home by 11.30 on Chirstmas Eve.  And again the taxis were charging whatever they wanted.  Aslo, I can’t drink as much these days, which is no bad thing I guess, so I'm happy with a couple of glasses of wine.  I wonder if Santa will bring me anything this year?  I don't think so.  He wouldn't be able to deliver it anyway, because I haven't got a chimney...  Ho ho ho!  Merry Christmas to anyone who reads my blog. 

Mike Summers, our illustrious producer, gives out the Raiders Annual Awards at the Raiders Christmas Party.  I was delighted to get the award for ‘Best Rock ‘n’ Pop Show 2008’ presented by Claire, the controller of Raiders 2.  The party was good fun.  The food was good; it was pub grub really, but very tasty.  With not having any spare money I didn’t go overboard with drinks and was home by 11.30pm – which was fine.  Taxis were double the price even two days before Christmas and anyway the 315 bus drops me off at the end of the road, so it couldn’t be more convenient. 

I am so lucky to have the friends that I have.  Today I met Janie for coffee at the Perfect Blend, tomorrow I'm seeing the guys from raiders, and then on Wednesday I'm doing a show.  After I got in from doing the last  of my shopping and posting of presents, I had a bath and thought, I'll have an early night.  So, I put on my jim-jams and lo and behold, my friend Topping phoned.  I love my friend Michael Topping, he's such a real, honest and genuine person.  Any way, he called round with a bottle of wine and I got out the olives and cheese (on oat-biscuits - yummy).   Topping is not only a nice person, he is talented and he is such good company.  Bless him.  What a nice suprise that he called.  Love you Top's xx  

Great Carol Service tonight.  The choir at St.Peter's is so special and guess what?  David gave me a CD of the choir.  It is so good...  Seeing all my church chums, Caroline, Anna Louise, Barbara, Trisha and Carole.  Last day/night for Fr Stuart.  He's off to pastures new.  The raffle was drawn tonight.  I had to buy most of my books myself.  I didn't win anything.  Still, that's not why I bought them.  I never win (don't know why I do the lottery other than the day I stop will be the day my numbers come up).  A super night.

It has been a long day today.  I can’t bear not having any work.  It’s so worrying.  I've nothing until February - how I'm going to manage goodness knows, but I will.  I feel stressed and dizzy all the time.  Hope I’ve not got the dreaded ‘vertigo thing’ that my mum had.  She began to have dizzy spells when she was my age and it ended with medication.  Noooooooo, no, no!  Not the vapours dear, oh no dear. 

I enjoyed my show tonight.  Played some of my fave music and also had a few requests come in.  Being off air for six weeks was bound to make a difference, but I think we’ll recover.  I stayed on for a drink after the show with Henry, Peter and Mike.  We went to the Blithe Spirit, where we're going to have our Christmas meal.  I had too much wine of course.  Well, what do you expect?  4 people, 4 rounds, four glasses of wine…  The mistake was eating fried eggs and tomato sauce when I got home.  Don’t remind yourself Mads.  The memory still makes me feel a little queasy.  My own fault.  Good night.  M x

We had such fun.  There must have been ten or eleven of us all sitting round Caroline's large dining room table, eating sandwiches and cakes, and drinking tea and talking.  Margaret Franke and I told stories about our theatre days and made everyone laugh.  I took some photographs that I'll put on my facebook site as well as on the photograph section of this website.  Must download the photos from the camera.  I'll do it tomorrow because it's 25 to 1 now.  Later...  or should I say earlier, tomorrow.  Night x

Tonight, someone I have put up with; entertained for the sake of family, who is toxic, selfish and who to me is a social vampire, threw a tantrum and stormed out of my home and my life for good.  He slammed my flat door so hard I thought if the door hasn’t come off its hinges the impact has surely sent the paintings on the walls in my living room crashing to the floor.  Fortunately, the paintings are still hanging where they were hung several years ago, and apart from a pile of dirty dishes (now washed and put away) and an apology to my lovely young neighbours, everything is back to normal in my home.  

            After years of listening to ridiculous lies and exaggerations, being talked to as if I’m an idiot, I dared to say I didn't like a phrase he used.  I'm not going to spell it out, but it begins with C and ends with T, it has four letters and it describes the female genital in a derogatory way.  That I didn’t like the phrase caused a real ‘red-faced’ arguement.  Any one would have thought it was me being insulting, not the other way around.  Any way, I am not putting up with it any longer.  I used to feel sorry for the person, he is obviously very unfulfilled, he falls out with people and so I expect his is lonely and unhappy, but who am I to feel sorry for any one. 

            When my toxic relative had gone, I came up to my study and blocked communication from him.  I made sure that any future pompous, angry and aggressive emails would not be downloaded from my server to my email.  His emails will be booted off at the server.  I don't want to read his nonsense. 

            I eventually got sick of another friend's selfishness.  I was sick of listening to ‘I, me, mine, and why me?’  What about the rest of the world you selfish, self-centred b’s…   ?  Having said all this, I wish both of the toxic, self-centred psychological vampire's happiness, health and success in whatever they do, as long as they don't do it near me. 

Am I being unfair, un-charitable?  Surely, one can only put up with being used for so long.  My ‘so long’ is up!  No more users, liars, braggers and toxic waste in my life. 

My camera arrived today and wow!  The technology is fantastic.  It’s so small, but is 10.3 mega pixels and 2.7-inch screen.  It’s a video too, which is why I bought it.  I want to video my show at Raiders; write a couple of short intros to tracks that are no more than 2 minutes (less if I can find them) and video them so I can put them on my website.  The last decent camera I bought was eighteen years ago.  It was a Minolta, £140, or something around that price.  This camera is far superior and it was only £58 in the sale at Amazon.  I am so pleased with it.  So, now I definitely won’t be buying anything new to wear this Christmas and I won’t be going out to the wine bar after Raiders until Christmas Eve - after show.  I don’t care if I don’t have any new clothes this winter; I’m not going anywhere to wear any.  I can cobble something together for the Raiders meal.  There's only going to be half a dozen people there and no one will notice what I'm wearing I'm sure.

I had to smile.  My mobile rang and as soon as I picked it up it rang off.  It was Jason, I knew it was because his name flashed up at me.  Fine I thought, he’s probably ringing to make another appointment to come and quote for the repairs to my roof.  A second or two later there was a knock at my door.  I opened the door to see a young man standing in the hall.  'Hello, I'm Jason.'  He had come to look at the roof, he said.  He had told my young neighbour, who opened the door to him, that he’d telephoned me an hour before and had arranged to come round.  Oh no he hadn't.  Well, he may have spoken to someone and arranged to come round, but it wasn't to me.  My mobile was dead until 5 minutes earlier when I put it on charge.  Any way, there was me unwashed and still in my bed-socks, well it is bloomin freezing at the moment, in a baggy sweater and an old skirt – and I’d like that since 6am; since I couldn’t sleep and got up to finish an inputting job.  You have to laugh don't you?  There was no way he spoke to me an hour before or a day before.  The last time my young roofer friend rang my number was two days earlier, his 5^th call to make an appointment to see the roof.  He rang at 12 o'clock to say he'd be round at 1 o’clock – and it was the fifth time he didn’t turn up.  He’s a lovely young man, but how could I possibly be sure he’d turn up and do the job after he’d let me down 5 times already.   Besides which, as I told him, I have had another quote, from a highly recommended company.  Fingers crossed that the insurance accept the quote and let me get the roof repaired, because if there’s a heavy snowstorm, I’ll be building a snowman in the study.

Raiders may be back on air, but it will take a little time to get our audiences back.  Still, if there's only a couple of people out there, that's good enough for me.  One or a hundred...  how do we know - it's radio.  I opened the show with a new jingle about the build up to Christmas.  I refuse to play Christmas songs until 17th of December - I get get fed up of hearing them.  Any way, our producer Mike Summers is great at putting jingles together.  My first songs were from the film Easy Rider which was directed by Dennis Hopper in the summer of 1969.  It's about a couple of hippies – Peter Fonda was one and I think Jack Nicholson was the other - who use their ill-gotten gains from drugs to finance a trip on their motorcycles across the Southwest states of America to New Orleans' and the Mardi Gras.  It's a telling portrait of America's cultural divide in the late '60s, and no small part of its impact was the soundtrack music which consisted of such 1968 rock radio favourites as Steppenwolf's "The Pusher" and "Born to Be Wild," The Byrds' "Wasn't Born to Follow," which was written by Gerry Goffin & Carole King for THE BYRDS - and which I opened my show with.

More rock was to be had and what better band is there to play rock than Led Zeppelin?  Jimmy Page is regarded as one of the greatest guitarists of all time, and his solo for Stairway to Heaven has been repeatedly voted the greatest guitar solo of all time.  The tracks that stand out for me other than 'Stairway to Heaven', 'When The Levee Breaks' from 'Led Zeppelin IV'  is 'Kashmir' from 'Physical Graffiti' and 'Whole Lotta Love' from 'Led Zeppelin II'  I eventually had some requests come in, but I had a lotta fun.  It's great to be back on Raidersbroadcast. 

I cancelled brunch today with my friend Janie because Jason, the roofer, was coming to give me an estimate to repair my roof.  The insurance company has okayed the repairs after I lost the bottom of my Velux window and some tiles were damaged in a storm.   I say damaged - one of them is in the guttering.  I waited and waited, but Jason didn’t come. 

            When I cancelled Janie, she said, ‘How many times has this Jason guy not turned up?’

            ‘Oh,’ I said, ‘Not turning up today makes it five times.’

I think when he rings next, and he probably will, when he hasn’t got any work on, I’ll ask him if he’s having a larf.  What do you think?

I love learning stuff on my computer.  After a weekend of downloading software to make CD jewel case inserts I decided to make my own.  The free software is fine but you can’t change the font.  If you want larger letters you either have to put less on the page, or you have to upgrade and pay $19.  Any way, I finally cracked it and made my friend some inserts.  And between us, I have to admit, we did a good job.  Now I can make my own inserts when I burn music.  And I can make CD jewel cases when I eventually get round to editing my radio shows.  It's amazing really, I wasted so much time trying to make the bloomin software work, but if I’d have accepted the fact that I needed to use both methods I could have had Sunday off, read a book, written a book.  Oh, don’t remind me.  I am so far behind in my writing.  I’ll get to it at Christmas.  Any way, what would I do with a day off?  See, I’m here now at midnight because I can’t sleep.  I have a round bum, I need to be doing something all the time.  Oh no, it’s midnight…  Oops!  I’ve turned into a pumpkin.  Gooooood nnnnniiiigggghhhhttttttttttttt. x

There are so many new bands around, and many of them are really good too - more about new and unsigned bands later.  Tonight I opened with McFly - as they flicked the switch on the Christmas lights in Regent Street - I thought it was a good enough opening.  I also love the track 'One For The Radio'.  I profiled The Electric Prunes, and did a tiny profile on Morphine and then I played several tracks from the new Queen and Paul Rodgers album called The Cosmos Rocks.  And the Queen and Paul Rodgers album certainly does that.  It was a good night, but I can't help but feel that Raiders has lost a little of its magic.  Could it be because we've been off the air for a while?  I believe the show should be as good as it can be, whether your playing music for one or for one-hundred, but there's something missing somewhere, though I can't put my finger on it.  We also decided on what we wanted to eat at the Christmas bash in the 'Blithe Spirit' after the show.  This year we'll be lucky if five turn up for the meal.  Several people are coming afterwards - and some of them aren't even presenters on the station.  Hey ho!

After almost 2 months Raiders Broadcast is back and it's as if I've never been away from the mixing-desk - except it was more fun and I didn't take it quite so much for granted.  It was great to be back in the hot seat.  Henry Mac came into my show and Peter Andrews took over at 8, as usual, and then Mike and Peter met us after in the Exhibit.  I have a show on Christmas Eve.  I'm pleased too, because I won't be doing very much at Christmas other than going to Church - and I won't go to midnight mass because it's too late to come home on my own.  More raiders next week...

I saw a woman standing outside the tube in Balham, along with loads of others, you know what it's like outside a tube in the rush-hour, and I knew straight away it was my cousin from Canada.  We just hugged.  I couldn't believe it.  25 years just slipped away like...   On the other hand, 25 years!  My goodness, how quickly those years have gone by.  Don't want to dwell on time and quickly it passes - far too depressing!  One thing I will say, my cousin is a writer and I was looking forward to having a writing buddy in London.  Now they are going home to Canada, I've lost her, but we can email or Skype.  Any way, I digress, Ross, Karen's husband joined us then - he'd been to a local shop to buy cigarettes - and after a bear-like hug we went to the Pizza Express for something to eat.  More to come on the lovely evening we had soon. 

It was very moving at Church because of it being Remeberance Sunday.  Love the hymn Jeruselem.  I couldn't sing it I was crying too much and, I'm ashamed to say I had forgotten the words to the second verse of God Save The Queen.  Ooops!  Still the article did get written.  Luckily for me it was just after Diwali, during Annakut, The Hindu New Year, so I called the article, 'The Festival of Lights'.  It was more than 5000 words by tea time and took me until 12.30am to get it down to a respectable 1400.  And the research to get the names right took ages.  Still it was worth it.  My friend Dhruva sent me some photos she'd taken.  There was one of me in front of the Radha Krishna Temple withing a Temple, and one with the Priest, so I sent them off too and David was happy with the article and it's length.  I was quite happy with the work too, if I dare say so. 

Yesterday was a very special and very interesting day.  I'm writing an article for St. Peter's Review about Hinduism so I went to The Radha Krishna Temple in Balham with my friend Dhruva.  Today I've written up the notes, so I can write the article proper, tomorrow.  I've had to do a lot of research to make sure I have the names right and the spellings are correct, which means tomorrow might be a bit tight - to get the article written up in an afternoon.  But I love writing articles for the Review - it will be a joy...  Today, however, was boring because I had to sit and listen to the notes I made on my tape recorder, and then transcribe the tape.  I hate earpieces in my ears, so I wear my studio headphones.  My ears are too small for those little ear-bits that sit inside the ear - the right one never stays in.  Any way, I have to work out what the lovely people in the Temple are saying (in the background) and of course, they aren’t always speaking in English - why should they be.  Some people were chanting and some were singing, but they were all very kind and helpful to me.  I was absolutely amazed by the whole thing.  Transcribing the tape reminded me of work I did for a large Charity organisation, I'm not sure I'm allowed to say the name, but I had weeks and weeks of it.  Paid the mortgage for a few months, and although it was heartbreaking to listen to how some of the people were treated, I leaned a lot - and won't forget it.  Any way, I can't wait to start writing this article tomorrow.

What a day.  The Temple was peaceful and uplifting.  I watched a lady named Gita change the robes on Lord Ganesh - the God who is recognised by the elephant trunk on his face, and Lord Hanuman, the mighty ape that aided Lord Rama in his expedition against evil - and is one of the most respected Gods in the Hindu pantheon.  She then changed the clothes of The Goddess Ambagi - who sits on a Lion because that is how she travels, and her sister Khodiyaar, who travels by crocodile.  Gita didn't only change the costumes she made them by hand too, which I thought was brilliant, especially as I can't sew a button on.  I met the Priest, who was a Bramin, and one of the ladies gave me a bag of holy food; food that is offered to the Gods at Diwali.  It was a very special gift and I was highly honoured.

The article will be published and when it is I'll put it in the articles section on the site.

I hate it when I can see how slow a paragraph is, or how naive the writing is and I cant' put it right; I can't do anything to make it better.  I so want to get past this chapter now and get the rest of the book edited and get it out there.   I'm going to bed now and I'll get up early tomorrow and start afresh.  If I have the same 'block' if that's what it is, I shall research the background to an article I'm going to write for St.Peter's Review.  Nothing too difficult, just an article that compares Christianity with the Hindu Religion.  An article about the similarities and the differences of the two faiths - and all before next Sunday.  Yeah right!  Thank goodness my friend Dhrwa is taking me to her Temple in Balham on Friday.  I'm looking forward to it, it should be fascinating.

I had new photographs taken this morning and I loved every minute of the session.  My friend Janie Goddard said I enjoyed it because I'm a show off.  Well, there is something in that, but I think it had a lot to do with Michael Wharley, the photographer.  He was really nice, put me at ease immediately and the photos he took are great.  They were digital so he could show me as we went along.  I say the photos are great because what he did was great.  I might still be 28 years old in my head, but my laughter lines - ho ho, are definitely in their fifties.  And I guess at long last I've come to terms with looking as I do.  And that's all I'm saying about my age.  I'm not going to tell you which end of the 50s, I am.   Any way, I'm looking forward to seeing my new photographs.  

Today my lovely young neighbour Hiedi had a super interviewer and the 'Songs of Praise' film crew in her house.  She knocked and invited me and I had a great time.  I was behind the camera, as it were, instead of in front of it and it was great to watch the process from beginning to end and see the cameraman at work.  The photography was amazing.  The show goes out on March 8th, from All Souls in London.  I am so proud of those girls.  Not only are they lovely people, they work really hard and they are fantastic musicians.

It is RJ11 Heaven.  I attached the new cable and I had lift-off.   I sorted the printer without having to buy a new one.  I don't think the printer liked being vacuumed - but you should have seen the dust..., or perhaps not!   Any way, once I had unplugged all the relevant leads and then plugged them back in, and done a nozzle check and clean, the printer worked perfectly - thank goodness.  Mind you the job I needed everything working perfectly for has come to an end.  I'm hoping that there will be something else soon.  When one door closes etc.   In the meantime I shall buy some proper food; fresh fish and vegetables, instead of living on the contents of Mr Patel's freezer, and then after a catch-up and coffee with my friend Janie (at the Perfect Blend in Streatham Hill), who has just finished a play in the fringe, I shall get back to editing the novel.  I haven't been able to write anything for five weeks - except for an article for the Church Review - but as I'm only two and a half chapters off the final edit, it should be done and dusted...  oh, there's that dreadful word again.  I will blitz the place after I have finished the edit this weekend.  Then, the Literary Agents will have no escape, except they are all at Book Shows, Launches, or other book-things in October!  Bloody timing.  But if I don't do it now another year will have gone by so, after my friend Richard Chumbley, the publisher at The Essential Magazine, has read it I shall start sending the first three chapters to Literary Agents.  Then I shall have my hair cut, have new photographs taken, and do a mail-out and email-mailing to casting directors etc., and try for some acting work.  Then, phew! I'll get on with the second novel.

I'm off to walk to the shops on this beautiful bright, chilly but dry autumn morning.   See ya!  

It's not one thing after the other, it's three things after three other things.  As for the printer, I cleaned the heads and then, just for good measure, switched the damn thing off, unplugged it - by that I mean unplugged all the cables and then plugged everything back in and, voila!  Not just a pretty face aye?  Not even...  I think if I get short of work I'll advertise myself as a mobile computer fixer.  I do it by elimination mostly. 

The work I've been doing for the last year (for the lovely guy whose company is near to where I live) is about to come to an end.  I'm not going to stress about it because I believe when one door closes another will open.  I am shattered and really need a few days break.  It would be nice to get away, have a few days at the cost, but not this year I don't think.  If I didn't have the credit cards... but hey, my cards my problem.  I'm tired too.  If I could sleep more, and better, I'd feel better.  And my dreams...  Last night I woke up thinking the door bell was ringing (which it couldn't have been because I hadn't put the new door bell up by then), and this morning when the alarm went off I turned over convinced it was going off in my dream.  My dreams are getting real again.  They're getting confused with reality again.  I need some good ideas for my contemporary novel.  I can't wait to get back to it.  Got to work on the Acres first.  Normally when I haven't had time to write for a day or two I get depressed, but it's been four weeks now and I'm too tired to be anything.  Actually that's not true.  I wrote an aricle for the Church Review called 'What a Bloomin' Summer' I wrote it really quickly and it was quite fictional in its styly, but I did enjoy it.  And bless David Chapman the editor for publishing it for me.  God knows where my confidence would be if David didn't publish my work.  Any way, as for my writing, there's going to be plenty of time when the work quietens down.  Three chapters of Foxden Acres to edit and I let my friend Richard Chumley read it.  And I'll get a dozen sets of the first three chapters printed off and get them to Literary Agents.

Mm, that thought has cheered me up.  I'm off to bed now. 

'The story of Tiscali'   Have you got all night?  Later

How I took working with both media for granted.  I've done everything to rectify the telephone problem including binning my wireless telephones because the phone on Base-one was getting so hot the batteries were leaking and I thought the thing would set fire one day.   Silly to bin them both though, because now I have to buy new ones.  I do do some bloody rash things.  And becuase I can't talk to the tiscali engineer on the landline, I need to talk to him on the mobile, and guess what?  My mobile has decided not to work up here in the loft, and keeps cutting out.  Need to get a new mobile before the tiscali engineer rings tomorrow night.  So, Orange for the mobile and Argos for the phones - since there isn't a BT shop anywhere to be found in my area of south London.  Good job I'm not hungry this week.  My money has all gone on phone calls to wherever tiscali is in the world and telecommunications.

Rushing wind and the engaged signal. 

Right in the middle of a computer data-sourcing job while I was talking to my client on the telephonen my telephone line decided it was really a wind tunnel, and then it went down.  I could either use broadband, or (I could log off) use the telephone, but suddenly after 6 years I could only do one or the other.  This is going to be a  long story which I will write when I have finally got through the my ISP engineers.  I'm on hold at the moment.  I've told my tale to two different young people already and am waiting to speak to a second level engineer - what ever that means.  More when I know more.

This is the first Wednesday (apart from one holiday and when I was in Lutterworth after my mum died) that I have not presented my radio on www.raidersbroadcast.com - and would you believe tonight I had a two hour show.  Just my luck...  Peter Andrews is on holiday in the North East, so I was going to do his show from 8 - 9pm as well as my own at 7.  I had a guest coming in called Jarrod who was going to talk about his website 'tourdates' and we were going to play some of the unsigned bands that are on his site.  I was also going to do a profile on 'Morphine', 'Iron Maiden' and 'Pink Floyd'.  Morphine, because I love the guitar and bass saxaphone, and they are a band I don't ususally play.  Iron Maiden, because Bruce Dickinson's day job is commercial pilot and PinkFloyd, because writer and guitarest Wright has just died - besides I love The Dark Side Of The Moon and in particular 'Us And Them - I though 'Breath' and 'The Great Gig In The Sky' was not in good taste, but 'Us And Them' was just right.  Besides which, it's a great track.  I was also going to play a medley of new bands and some requests, except that I couldn't get onto the website to copy the requests.  And as it happens it doesn't matter now.  Oh well, I guess I have the next two shows written up, then...  Now I'm going to bed.  I'm shattered.  I was at work for 7am this morning and so - Good night. x

Today I joined Casting Call Pro.  My friend Jane Goddard told me about it and then she introduced me to them by giving them my name.  It takes a time to put all one's jobs on but it will be worth it eventually, when I can afford to go back into acting.  I'm also on Chapter 10, well the editing of Chapter 10.  I am going to the Midlands this weekend.  Have to put fresh silk flowers on my mum and dad's grave and also see my aunt who has been in hospital.  I'm staying with my fab cousin Susan and her lovely husband Graham.  The trains are a real pain.  There are replacement busses to and from Northampton - lovely. But it will be nice to see my lovely cousins and do a bit of shopping in Rugby, visit my friend and mentor Roger.  Then on Sunday I will write all afternoon.  I must get the edit finished to let a writer friend give it the once over and try to get it to a literary agent before the October Book Fair.  Lot of chance now! 

I wrote an article for the Church Review today called 'What a Bloomin Summer.  The thing is, I found some lovely photos of mum and dad.  There's one of mum holding me, and in the foreground there's a stuffed donkey.  Mum's wearing a sun hat and she looks radiant.  We were on holiday in Brighton when the picture was taken.  I remember those holidays with aunt Ciss very well.  Obviously I don't remember the one where mum is holding me by the donkey, because I'm too young, but I remember them just after that - maybe when I was two and a half or three years old. 

Happy Days.

What a day.  What a fantastic day it was.  The Abbey is magnificent, but apart from that and the service with the Lay Vicars of Westminster singing the Hymns, we were taken on a grand tour of the Abbey.  I had never been before and was amazed by all the burial chambers.  Every King and Queen and their families since 1069 or thereabouts, until about 150 years ago are buried there.  There are also Poets, Playwrights, Writers, Judges, Politicians and many many other famous and well known people. And afterwards we were invited to tea with the Dean, or should I say, The Right Rev'd John Hall, Dean of Westminster - who was once Rev'd at St Peter's here in Streatham.

What a memorable day. 

Sisterhood.  A young woman said to me, 'Are you all right?' when she had heard how rude Jan kookper was to me.  'Yes, I'm fine.  He is just alwasy angry,' I said.  And it was true.  However Jan Kooper is always angry, what makes this story so interesting is that these three young women would have defended me, if the need be.  It''s late I'm working at the crack of dawn, so good night. 

Two great young men

I always know if it's an official phone call, or someone selling something by the way they pronounce my name.  Treaddell, not Morgan of course.  Any way, the call went like this,  "Did you withdraw £50 from the ATM machine at Barclays Bank in Balham on such-and-such a day?"  'Yes," said I, (wondering who and why I was being asked such a question).  Well, to cut a long story short, I had been  withdrawing money from the hole in the wall in London while some one had been doing the same thing (except they'd been taking the maximum £300) in Canada.  "What?"  Yes, I am just one of a long, long, list of people who have had their credit card details stolen and cloned.  How they did it, I don't know, because ever since it happened to my friend Janie I have been soooooooo careful.  No matter, it has been done and done good.  I'll get all the money back.  Actually, I was so near the max on my overdraft that the fraudsters must have been well ..... off.  The problem is of course, although the bank reimburses you, your account is frozen and so in lots of ways you're up the proverbial gum tree without a paddle!!   So tomorrow I've got to get my Halifax account overdraft extended and...  oh it's all too too boring.

Later... x

When you work long hours all week, it is so nice to do nothing.  Well by nothing I mean shopping, going to the bank and stuff, but not working.  I went to Balham this morning, to the bank, and I spent two hours doing nothing.  It was gloriously sunny and I strolled around like a normal person instead of a manic workaholic.  I met friends and had coffee, I went into the Charity shop and bought some great 60s and 70s albums, and then I went into Woollies and bought some CDs to play on my show.  Woollies have a great offer on at the moment, if you like 60s and 70s classics, they've got loads and they are all either £1 or £2.  How cool is that?  Tonight I'm up here in my study looking out over Docklands and the City, and it is so lovely; so romantic.  This barmy as well as balmy evening deserves some romance.  Shame there isn't any round here.  Oh well, then I'll have to go downstairs and CSI - on my own.  Oh, don't feel too sorry for me I made my bed, if you know what I mean.  One day my Prince will come?  Until then I'm writing a bloody cracking book.  And I'm still trying to get Foxden Acres published, so if there's a publisher out there?  I'm off for the night.   Good night. x

What a great night Lizzy and I had.  It was her first show for Raidersbroadcast and I was training her.  Difficult?  Nah, she's a natural.  Any way, the show went well, she had a few people log on to the website and they were complimentary, so Lizzy was happy and I was happy for her.  Afterwards, because it's necessary to wind down after a show, we went to the Exhibit for a drink.  Well, we were having our second (large) glass of chilled wine and talking ten-to-the dozen when Mike dashed in to tell us that Maria hadn't turned up to do her show.  I looked at Lizzy and she looked at me (we were a bit tipsy) and we both said,  'No problem we'll do it.'  Lizzy didn't have much music left and I hadn't brought any, but not a problem, we would play all new artists from the Manilla PR Agency.  They had sent me tons of new artists and, while I hadn't bothered to listen to them all there were some crackers among them.  I had taken them to the studio for Lizzy to listen to and if she wanted she could play them on future shows.  Any way, I kid you not, we had such fun doing that second show. Earlier, when Lizzy was training, it was important that everything went smoothly.  It was all a bit serious; the mixing desk was new, it was hot and Lizzy was a little nervous - not very nervous, just nervous enough for it to be a good thing - adrenalin and all that.  But when you're doing someone a favour, as we were doing then, and you're lubricated by a couple of wines, it is relaxing and it is fun.  We had a ball.  Then, suddenly when the clock struck ten I had to dash.  No, I wouldn't have turned into a pumpkin had I have stayed, but I had a client dropping off some work for me to do while he was away on holiday, so I ran to catch the little 315 bus that drops me off at the end of my road.  So it was a great night.  Lizzy was brilliant, we had a real laugh doing a two-header and I made it home in time to receive the work.  

Had to go for a blood test this morning.  So, having missed the 417 bus (well, I'm not sure it actually came) I ran all the way to the surgery only to find out it was the type of blood test where you're not supposed to eat anything for at least 10 hours before.  And what had I done?  Yep, I'd had a bowl of porridge and a cup of tea.  So that was that.  I'm going back tomorrow.  However, on my way back I passed by the Trinity Hospice Shop and my friend Annie was inside with a mound of stuff to sort out, hang-up, or stack on shelves, so I went in and I spent three hours helping her.  It felt good doing something to help someone, to help the community.  Hope I don't sound awful, but I'm going to do a stint in the shop for her whenever I'm free.  I'm a believer in charity, well it's necessary in this country, but giving money is one thing, giving of your time is something else.  Why not do both?  I really enjoyed it and I met some very interesting characters while I was hanging up frocks and stuff.  I was also amazed at how much designer stuff there was - all size 8 or 10 of course.  When I got on the bus to come home I couldn't find my Oyster travel card.  I'd put £20 on it in Balham last night so was really p***** off about loosing it.  Eventually, after I'd tried to work and couldn't concentrate, I searched the flat, but still couldn't find it.  I decided to ring Annie to ask if by any chance, and it was a real long-shot, I'd dropped the travel card in the charity shop.  "No," said Annie.  "You dropped it in the street, someone handed it in to me after you'd gone.'  Can you believe it?  How kind of them.  There are many people a great deal worse off then me in this area, so to get it back was a miracle.  I'll pick it up tomorrow, help Annie for a couple of hours and ask her if I can write an article about her and the shop.  The shop was once the foyer of The Station Hotel, a very grand place, so there's a lot of history there.  Oh well, I'm off to bed now - and I can't eat anything until I get home tomorrow at about 12pm. 

Raiders broadcast, playing rock music till 8pm and then off to a PCC meeting at Church.  I'm not sure how much use I am to the PCC really.  I'm not as used to the political aspects as most of the other people there, if you see what I mean.  When I got home I was exhausted.  I'd worked all day, done my show, gone to a meeting and got home at 10pm starving.  Well, that's a silly thing to say.  However, not having eaten anything since lunch-time, I was hungry.  Trouble is, when I'm that hungry I eat the fridge...

I have tons of inputting and 'typing' work and I have set myself the goal of getting the first three chapters of my novel 'Foxden Acres' edited and out to a literary agent, or publisher this week.  I know I can do both jobs.  The thing I can't do is one job at a time.  I have put off finishing the edit for weeks now.  Why?  I'm scared of failiure and I'm scared of succeeding.  I'm off to bed to watch the late movie.  I'll be asleep by the end of part one I expect.  Dentist tomorrow to have a bridge put in - whatever that is.  Bit of my tooth cracked and fell out.  I don't know and here was me thinking I was perfect...  not!

An International Night in the Crypt organised by lovely Barbara.  And it was real fun.  I danced and danced and danced some more.  Before that there was food from all corners of the globe.  Great food, good wine and great company.  More anon.

I chose a couple of 60s bands to open my show tonight and a couple of new 'unsigned' bands that arrived today by post, to close it.  How strange was it that one of the 60s bands I decided to profile was The Moody Blues when Danny Laine was the singer and one of the new 'unsigned' bands that arrived today was The Indigo Road, with Hiedi Jo Heines, Denny Laine's daughter as guest vocalist.  And what a beatutiful voice she has too.  But how weird was that?  I enjoyed the show.  Didn't go out for a drink afterwards.  Well, now I open raiders at 7pm  if I don't have any reading or writing with me it means sitting around in the wine bar on my own to have a glass of wine.  Tonight I couldn't be bothered so I came home. 

After going to the bank I had a walk round Balham.  It was great to wander round window shopping for a change, instead of rushing from one place to another.  I've been so busy lately that I could have stayed home and chilled, but Mike said he'd meet me for a coffee so I trundled off on the jolly old 315 bus and guess what?  Mike didn't turn up.  I should have known better, this wasn't the first time.  Suffice to say, I won't be arranging to meet him for coffee again any time soon.  It was nice day though.  It was warm and sunny, and I wondered into a few shops.  I bought some £15 jeans from Bonmache.  It is such a shame there isn't a decent clothes shop in Balham.  Not that I have any money for buying clothes, but there isn't anywhere in Balham anyway.  And the nearest M & S - other than M & S Food shop is in Tooting - and it's dreadful.  I think they fill their shelves with everything the other M & S's don't want.  I went into a charity shop.  I never fancy clothers from the charity shops, but I bought a set of half a dozen pale green glass coasters on a pine and chrome stand.  Mine are original 'Lady Clare' from 1970 - when I first got married - and although they are still OK they're old-fashioned and not the sort of thing I'd leave out for prospective buyers to see.  Did I say prospective buyers?  That's a joke.  No one's been to see the flat for 10 weeks.  I think I might take it off the market and rethink after the summer holidays.  That's their summer holidays, not mine.  I can't afford to go away to the seaside for a day, let alone a holiday.

I called into Foxdens, the estate agents, and thinking about what the young guy said (the one who came here last September) I think he thought I wasn't serious about selling.  Mmmmmmm, I wonder whether he was insinuating that I was one of those people who, and I quote, "put their houses on the market but don't want to sell, or ask for so much that their house won't sell."  I wonder if he was beiong sarcastic.  It's unusual that a Foxton's Agent would suggest visiting at the end of the summer instead of immediately.  Also, I've dropped the price of this flat three times now (almost £30 k), so I'm hardly being greedy.  We'll see what happens, but if I can't sell, I do need to work and this time of year is bad for freelance people like me.

I have decided never to say 'no' again.  Last night the theatre, today a stroll around the Lavender Festival, Lavender Hill, Battersea with my friend Billy.  Oh and guess what?  When Billy went home I was standed outside Debenham's.  Abandoned with only a shoe sale in sight.  Yes, you guessed it.  New shoes.  Well, what's a girl to do with all that temptation; all those gorgeous shoes lined up on glass shelves right in her eye-line??? 

Janie took me with her to see The Importance of Being Ernest at Shaw's Corner.  She played Lady Bracknell.  More later.

I have no idea why I opened a page on June 7.  Another senior moment?  Surely not.  When it comes to me I will fill this page in with the most amazing info, you'll see...

The Essential Magazine On-line is now available at www.InsideBalham.co.uk  It's a good peice about Raiders.  In the magazine there is a stock photograph of a young female with long blonde hair happy-clapping by a microphone - and didn't I take some stick.  It wasn't my idea to put someone else's photo in the mag, and although they knew that it didn't stop everyone from taking the Micky out of me.  There was also a young white guy instead of the photo I gave the magazine of Henry Mack.  Now the on-line version is the right one.  If you're reading this blog, log on to the above website and have a look.  M x

What a great night on Raiders.  Lizzyspit, one of the nicest and most beautiful young women, not to mention most talented young singer-songwriters, was on my show.  She brought her guitar and sang several songs including her latest single 'Laura's Diary'.  The audience loved her, my fellow presenters loved her (in the wine bar after the show) and she loved doing the show.  Well that's a que for a DJ if ever I heard of one so, guess what?  As she has had lots of experience from when she presented radio at Uni, she is going to join Raiders 1.  I'm going to be training her in July, mind you Henry would do a better job of training her I guess.  Henry knows all the tricks of the trade, as it were, but he's in the US, so it's down to me.  Great fun.   

I've just finished another 12 hour day so I guess yes, working 24/7 must be a good thing - as long as it's going to pay the mortgage and the council tax etc., as well as the bills - but is it?  I've been a Labour supporter all my life.  As an actress, a member of he arts, there's no other party to vote for - but things are getting so right wing now, I'm not sure Gordon Brown and I belong to the same political party at all.  I can't wait to leave London, it's expensive and it's frightening.  I don't see the point of living in one of the most vibrant cities in the world and working every weekend; never being able to afford to go into the London, to the West End, or walk round the shops.  Streatham is expensive enough, but I'm talking about Oxford Street and Regent Street.  I used to go into Covent Garden and meet friends for coffee, or Soho; to China Town, to shop in the Chinese supermarkets, or the Deli's there, but now that's all finished.  London is too expensive for people who live here - London is only for tourists now.  Thank you Gordon Brown, you've stuffed me tax-wise and you've taken away the few pennies I had left by putting up council tax, food, allowing electricity and gas to go sky high and as for my mortgage... I won't even go there!  Labour Party?  I thought it was the working man's political party?  Someone enlighten me please!

Presenting a music show on Raiders for 2 hours, is about right.   Two hours means you don't have to rush, you can chose the music you want to play as well as cover the requests - and it also gives you time to play a variety of music.  I really enjoy doing my radio show.  I know it doesn't pay but hey, so what, not everything in life is about money.  The older you get the more you appreciate the things in life that you enjoy that are important to you, that you give and receive from.  It isn't that in your 50s you're nearer death, hopefully there's another 35 or 40 years to go, it's that by the time we get to 50, we've experienced so much and hopefully we've learned something along the way.  And I think things settle.  We are in many ways more confident.  Am I talking out of my pill box here?  Yes, probably.  However, I do love doing my show and I'm grateful to the people who log on and listen.  Thank you to them, they are great.  More chat later.  I'm working tomorrow, thank God.   Good night x

I never ever thought that an eight hour day of inputting data could be so satisfying.  Why am I so elated with this boring hard work?  Because for the last week in March and for most of April I have work.  For the first time since before Christmas I have enough work to pay the bills without stress and worry.  It's late.  I'm going to bed because I have another day tomorrow just like this one.  Great.  I will catch up with my blog next week.

I was called in to the studio tonight to cover for Oliver who couldn’t do his show at 7pm.  I love doing Raiders 1, I do a completely different show on a Thursday to that that I do on Wednesday night on Raiders 2.  Tonight I played lots of new female artists, as well as My Country by the jard-rock band from Sydney Australia called Midnight Oil.  The band began as a progressive rock band called 'Farm' with the Album, 'Earth and Sun and Moon' in the 1970s.  Also, a band that I have never played before is The Dave Matthews Band  (also known by the acronym DMB) which is a US rock band from Charlottesville in Virginal and was formed in1991 by singer  songwriter, and guitarist, Dave Matthews.  I played tracks sung by Stevie Nicks and Peter Green, both artists were once memebers of Fleetwood Mac.  But one of the best tracks of the night was called, ‘Bitter Twisted Wrong' by Chrystina Tomlin.  I played 'Laura's Dairy' by Lizzyspits, and several others - ending with Janice Joplin.  Tell you more later.

It is so cold that today I didn't venture outside the front door.  Oh, that's a fib.  My frined Mike from Raiders came with some CDs.  He has put my last two interviews on CD for me, so that I can edit them on my computer and then, if I can do it well enough, I will put them on my website.  Any way, I didn't go out in this freezing weather.  Not that I could have gone far.  I have two pound coins and some coppers in my purse, so I didn't think getting snowed on for a bottle of milk, or a bar of chocolate was worth it.  I could of course have won the lottery on Wednesday, or Saturday, I haven't checked yet.  I'm being stupid now.  I decided to write all day, but somehow the worry of how I'm going to pay my bills this month got in the way and my Muse, fed up of hearing the same old... same old.... has abandoned me.  I have just written a load of rubbish, so I'm going to bed.  Good night.  PS... two lovely things happened to me today.  The first was when my cousin Ann telephoned and sang happy birthday to me. We had a lovely chat.  The second was when my best friend Janie rang.  She never, and I mean never, does dinner parties or things like that, but she invited me to dinner tomorrow along with Billy and Sally my other very close friends, to celebrate my birthday.  How fab is that?  The last time I celebrated my birthday was when I lived in Telford Avenue, in Balham, with Henrik - and that was in 2000.  I think it's about time I celebrated it again don't you.  Hey, at this rate I'm only 51.  I wish. x

Easter is usually in April isn't it?   I thought we celebrated Easter because of the crucifixtion and resurrection of Jesus Christ.   However it seems these days that it all has to do with the school holidays or something.   Hey ho!   I will blog my Easter as soon as I have some spare time.  

Good Friday.  I remember the cobbled streets in Jerusalem and walking through the old town to the wailing wall.  An Armenian Bishop blessed me in The Church of Nativity and the Israeli guide found a tiny gold shackle in the street and gave it to me for good luck.  I kept it in my handbag for six, or seven, years, and then one day I noticed it had gone.  I was very sad about it.  It's a sad country with sad and very poor people.  It's strange because we bought our flat in Telford Avenue from a Palastinian lady.  She was the first Palastinian I had ever met... And of course it was from a Palastinian Family Jeweller that I bought my Jerusalem Cross.  Well, it would be wouldn't it.    I pray for peace in the Middle East.

Tonight on Raiders I interviewed a young singer/songwriter named Lizzyspit.  She was great.  She is an unsigned artist who is multi-talented.  She even sang live and played guitar on the show.  More about Lizzy another night.  I am so tired.  I was watching Gene Hackman and dropped off. 

I'm looking into audio editing equipment.  I have so many interviews now, all on tape, that I need to get onto CD and then download an editing programme so that I can shorten them and put them onto my jukebx on my website.  Wouldn't that be good.  I'm looking at them now, so if anyone reads this and knows of a good free download, please email me.   Later...

I was interviewed about Raiders tonight, by a lovely young woman named Victoria Sandison, the editor of a Balham magazine called 'Essentials Local.'  I think the interview went well.  Vicky, the young journalist that interviewed me was thorough and very professional, so I hope it will be a bit of good publicity for Raidersbroadcast.  The magazine has a readership of 15 thousand people in the Balham, Battersea and Clapham area, so hopefully we'll have more listeners once April and May issue comes out - the more the merrier.  I told Vicky how Mike began in radio and how Raiders started in the 80s and then brought her up to date and talked about each of the current presenters and their very different shows, as well as News Raid.  Because it's an internet station I told her about 'Rock Dimensions' which has an international following.  But I thought for the benefit of the magazine and for Raiders hopes of getting a community license, I stayed with the more local aspects of Phil's show featuring local 'Unsigned Bands' and it seemed to work.  I told Vicky about every aspect of raiders 1 and 2 that I could think - and gave her my written notes to take away.  She wants to end the article with a short paragraph on 'what's coming up' so I've asked Phil to organise a couple of interviews with unsigned bands.  I have a band from Streatham for him to meet and he has lots of bands lined up for future shows any way, as well as a young singer from Clapham.   I'll talk to the other lads on Wednesday, see what they've got coming up and Mike is going to tell me who is going to be interviewed on News Raid in April and May.  So.... fingers crossed.  I want to get the information to Vicky on Thursday if possible.

The earth certainly moved for me just before 1 o'clock this morning, while I was up in my study working on my novel.  First of all I thought someone from the Mews was doing a moonlight-flit and the lorry they'd hired had got stuck under my house and its engine was idling.  I live in a Gatehouse and once a lorry decided to bump-up on the kerb and a peice of the brickwork, on the façade of my neighbours house, fell off...  Any way, first of all I felt fibration beneath my feet and then my bottom - through my computer chair.  But the weirdest thing was when the wooden filing cabinet at the side of my desk began to, very slowly, slide open.  Did I have a poltergeist?  Ooooh!  Then, as if that wasn't enough to frighten the life out of a girl, my Chinese wind chimes began to chime everso slightly.  It was at that point I knew something very different to the norm was happening.  I ran to the window expecting to see the aftermath of a bomb, or a major fire burning in South London, but London; Docklands, Canary Wharf, the City and West End were all in tact - no fires, so no bombs, thank God.  I dismissed the idea of an earthquake, well you would wouldn't you if you lived in South London?  But truth to say, when I switched on the BBC news the following morning and heard that there had been an earthquake in Lincolnshire, and it had been felt here in London, I was not surprised. 

Raiders was good.  I hadn't planned anything specific, no profiles or anything, and I didn't have many requests on the Reaction page, so I just played the music I like and enjoyed myself. 

I was looking forward to editing at least one chapter tonight and then celebrating the great day I've had by getting on and writing up my blog, but I made a phone call to ask someone a question and ended up with an ear full of toxic-waste.  Why I do it to myself I don't know.  There is someone in my life who has never had any interest in me personally, other than to 'not hear me' put me down, or tell me I'm wrong.  Even if I tell her something she will say, 'I didn't know that! Such and such a person didn't tell me that as if, because they didn't tell her, it can't be true.  She never asks me how I am, or what I'm doing.  She starts every sentence with 'I' and believes her own press.  She is an intelligent woman who thinks she's the font of all knowledge - and has done for as long as I've known her.  Any way, I feel like rubbish now.  I've allowed myself to be put down for the last time.  I will learn from this and in future not speak to her about anything to do with my writing.  I'm going to bed now becasue the wind has gone out of my sails.  But tomorrow is another day and tomorrow I will work very hard on my novel - which incidentaly she totally ignores.  Success is the best revenge.  I'll show um!  Good night! x

And a great days night too.  A bit of work and the knowledge that you've earned enough to pay a few bills, can certainly smooth the worry lines and put a smile back on a girls face.  This week I've done a full weeks work (for the mortgage), written an article for my Church Review, edited three chapters of 'Foxden Acres' and presented my radio show.  All-in-all its' been a very satisfying week, except for Mike teasing me and Ollie from Raiders 1.  Still I've knocked that on the head.  Ollie is great, cool to look at too.  All the DJs are on Raiders 1 are talented.  Henry Mack is my very special friend.  I've known Henry a long time and love him dearly.  Anyway, love Mike as I do, I think a producers job is to make sure the DJs are working well and are happy, not cause conflict.  Hey, ho!  It's getting late - 12.45am.  If I don't go to bed soon I'll turn into a pumpkin. Good night...

Tonight I did my radio show and I really enjoyed it. I played 60s requests and some of my own favourit stadium bands like live tracks of Bruce Springsteen and Led Zeppelin as well as regular favourites like The Travelling Wilburys and Dylan.  Afterwards I went out with friends and enjoyed myself soooooooooo much.  It's been such a long time since I've actually had a night out.  I really am high on the enjoyment of it.  Who needs drugs when being part of a social network can make you feel like this?   Actually I've never done drugs, but I am taking my little happy pills.   My gorgeous young doctor tells me they are not addictive, they are like wearing rose-tinted glasses.   If you are feeling unwell you take medicine.  My depression and anxiety attacks are every bit as bad as a broken arm, you just can't see it because it isn't in a plaster-cast.  Any way I was hoping to meet a friend who said he wanted to read my novel, but I kind of think I might have talked myself into thinking that he wanted to read it instead of him saying he would read it.  Time will tell - I'll email him tomorrow.  Whatever...       I'll blog more tomorrow too, and also fill in the gaps between Janurary and today.  

Going to bed now because I've got to get up early in the morning and do some work for my friend who,   incidentally is saving my financial bacon.   Well his employment is keeping my mortgage paid which amounts to the same thing at the moment.   So I'll get it together over the weekend and update my Blog full then.   Good night.

http://www.smilebox.com/playBlog/4d6a41354e5463794f513d3d0d0a

It's been one of those days today.  I got up late.  Tried to phone a friend, who never has any credits on his phone, to say 'Happy Birthday' so I sang it to his bloody answer phone.  Plonker I hear you say, and then I text and then emailed.  Why did I bother? I began a job that took me ages to sort out because it hadn't been checked or edited before it came to me - and the writing was almost unreadable.  It really has been one of those days.  You know the sort, one step forward and two back.  Oh well, no one else cares, so why should I?

November came and went and the only interesting thing that happened that didn't cause me any problems was my radio programme on each Wednesday night and a family 'Christmas' dinner on Saturday 24th of November.  Bit early I thought but any excuse will do for me to see my lovely family.  I can't wait to get back to Lutterworth to live.  I'm fed up with London, it's dirty, everyone's rude, angry, rushing about and pushing you over.  And the worst thing is the way some young men in the shops treat women.  A couple of months ago a hoodie came into the Spa Garage Shop near to where I live, to pay for his petrol, instead of standing behind me in the queue, he barged in front of me and handed the boy behind the counter a tenner.  It was the third or fourth time it had happened to me in the same amount of months.  I asked the lad behind the counter why he had done it and he said he didn't want to loose the boys with the hood's money.  When he had finished adding my groceries up he lost my money because I was so furious I walked out.  Any way, it's quite convenient so now I've had my hair cut I've started to go back in there to shop.  The vegetables are poor but the wine is good.  I am sick of the culture that makes me, because I'm a woman, invisible.  

Today I should have had some work arrive.  Had two jobs last week - thank goodness.  I also posted off a pair of 1980s high heeled 'Adam Ant style, or Romantic style ' boots to Germany today.  Another eBay boob.  I paid about £80 for them in the 80s - wore them twice, and now I've sold then for £6 on eBay, big deal! I paid £7.95 to have them heeled before I put them on eBay.  And, they cost much more to post than I'd estimated.  Never mind, one wonderful thing is, although I make loads of mistakes and often make nothing or occasionally loose money, once in a while something I'm selling shoots through the single figure roof, so it's all kind of worth it. Mind you I sometimes buy more than I sell and then have to start putting stuff back... Don't mention paperweights!

Tonight my show on raidersbroadcast.com was all about Halloween.  However, first of all I had to finish the profile on The Travelling Wilburys Vol 3, and then catch up on my requests.  I told the story of Bram Stoker in Whitby and played lots of music from 'Harsh Reality's Heaven and Hell' and 'Stand and Deliver' Adam Ants.  I also played Kate Bush's 'Waking the Witch' which is really errie.  Thinking about it I played lots of stuff that was fitting for HALLOWEEN.  I don't suppose there was anyone out there who didn't know what HALLOWEEN is all  about, but in case they did't remember the exact meaning of it, I told them all about the Pagan beginnings in a short profile while I played some great spooky music!

Not only did I see my friend Janie yesterday, but today I had lunch with my wonderful male friend Billy.  I had been to church and Billy had been rehearsing a play.  He had just got to that stage where everything falls into place; when all the hard work you do in rehearsal comes together.  I think of it as 'a magic wand' being waved.  I like to think a fairy watches over me and other hard working actors and when the time is right, when you've done the work and learned the lines, the fairy flies overhead and sprinkles fairy dust.  Wow!  Suddenly all the hard work was worth it.  Suddenly you know exactly who you are, when and where you are, and what you are doing and why.  And, you understand what it is the director is asking of you to do too.  Billy is a brilliant actor.  I can't wait to see him in this play.  Let you know more when I know more.  xx

Someone once said, you can count your real friends on one hand.  I think that's true actually.  I met a friend who I hadn't seen for about eighteen months today and it felt as if I'd seen her yesterday.  We slipped straight back into  conversation, discussed other old friends and told each other our news.  It was so easy to pick up where we'd left off.  The only regret I had was when she'd gone.  I wish I hadn't let a grievence, which I'm not sure she was even aware of, fester and colour the love I've always had for her.  I thank God I had a reason to contact her.    

Well, in the words of Shakespeare, "All's well that ..."  (Not lucky to quote the Bard).  Thinking about it, perhaps our friendship needed some space.  Whatever!  I'm just happy that she is happy; that she and her husband are happy and that they are both healthy and well.  Seeing her was great.  I completely forgot what had hurt me two years earlier the second I heard her voice on the telephone the day before.  And, when we met in the cafe it was as if we'd never been apart.  Although I'm leaving London in a couple of months (fingers crossed that the survey happening tomorrow goes well) I'm not leaving our friendship.  Selling my flat in London means I will have the money to travel down to London whenever I want, therefore I'll see my friend often.  I intend to come down to Raiders in Balham and present a two-hour radio show once a month.  I'll get to see all my friends at the same time.  I'll probably see more of them than I do now.  I also expect - oooops! Expecting was what got me into trouble, so I'll change it - I also hope that my friends will visit me in Lutterworth.  When they are travelling north, I hope they'll get off the M1 at exit 20 and come and visit me half a mile up the road in Lutterworth.  And if they're playing Leicester or Coventry they've got free digs.  Bye for now from Bloggers from a very happy Madalyn. x

A great night on Raiders.  The sound was much improved.  I have the tape and will hopefully be able to edit it with a couple of interviews and send it to the guy who is running RadioLutterworth, Frank, and then when I get home in a couple of months, and when there is an opening on the station, Frank might consider me for presenting some radio shows for Lutts.  Wouldn't that be cool?

I had three sets of people coming to view my wonderful home today.  I had dusted and tidied and everywhere looked great.  It's never really untidy, not living on my own.  I don't get time to make it untidy.  Any way, the people were lovely, especially one young man who I could see liked everything that I liked about the flat; the view, the location, the layout and he especially liked my study.  The study is pretty special.  Any way, an hour after they had left (he came with his dad and a mate) the agency rang me and told me the young man had put in an offer.  I was gob-smacked, delighted, pleased it was him - he was so nice.  I felt all of a dither.  I rang my friend and writing mentor Roger in Lutterworth.  He was pleased and surprised.  The I rang Mike my friend who owns raidersbroadcast.  Mike is always out and about on a Saturday.  I told him that I was going for a walk and asked him if he wanted to meet me for a coffee.  He said yes.  Thank goodness for Mike, I needed to talk about the almost instant sale of my flat to someone.  I'm leaving London then?  After 33 years I'm going back to Lutterworth to re-group, start again, write instead of do menial jobs to pay the mortgage...  I'm going then! 

Fab show tonight and afterwards it was like old times.  We all met up and went to the Exhibit then when it was chucking-out time we went to the Bar Fly.  What a laugh.  Just like it should be all getting on together.  Henry gave me a lift home and we had fried eggs and toms with bread and butter.  A bit basic but it did the trick.  A couple of beers and I'm always hungry.  The next morning I listened to my show.  More than a couple of erms and ahs, but I'm definitely getting better at presenting music.  I'm hoping to do a demo tape and send it out to a few local radio stations if I move back to the Midlands.

Today two estate agents; the lovely Danny from Haarts and James from Stephenn James came and talked to me about selling the flat.  They took photos and I noticed by that evening my flat was on the Internet.  I logged on and to my surprise the flat looked beautiful - although from the outside it was a bit dull because it was raining when they took the outside shots.  It was very tastefully presented.  We'll see.  I expect it will take a month or so to sell and then there are mortgages and solicitors etc.   Still I've decided it doesn't matter if I don't leave until the New Year because I don't want to have to give notice to the tennants in my house in the Midlands.  Let them have Christmas there and I'll move back mid-January perhaps...

I was pleased to see the article in the Church Review.  Pleased for him that the story of his fight to be a Christian has been told.  I enjoyed writing it except that I did what I always do, I got bogged down in the politics (the red army/the white army) instead of getting on and telling the story.  Never mind I got there in the end.  I must put it on the website.  I've also been looking at the article I did for the Islington Gazette, for their 140 year edition, called 'a new beginning for Smithfields.'  That was a hoot.  Smithfields meat market with the bummeries at 4am - I haven't eaten meat since.  But it was a very memorable time and everyone down there were really good to me.  I will have to copy it, or scan it - or type it out again... 

Today I went to the bank to get a bigger overdraft, and then to the building society to discuss my mortgage.  If I don't get paid work soon, or should I say now, I will have to sell.  Every year I just scrape by and quite frankly I'm sick of making do.  I don't care how hard I work - the harder the better, but I would like to work on stuff that interests me.  For the last year I've taken anything that's honest and that pays, but what for?  To live in a suburb of the most vibrant and the most exciting city in the world.  London used to be my town.  Now I can't afford to go in to the West End or to Covent Garden. 

Wednesday August 29th on the Madalyn Morgan Show there was a profile on Peter Frampton and music from the Deluxe Edition of "Frampton Comes Alive!" where he used the famous Talk Box.

Also featured were The Fortunes and The Move.  And remembered on the anniversary of their deaths were, Guy Stevens, producer of Mott The Hoople, Sterling Morrison, lead, rhythm, bass guitar & backing vocals of Velvet Underground (30th Aug) and Carl Wayne, vocals and bass, The Move (31st Aug).

There were requests and a profile on the music of John Phillips aka 'Papa John' of the 'Mammas and The Pappas'.  Not only did we hear music from 'The Mammas and The Pappas' but also from the rare album, Phillips' only full length solo album, from 1979 "Pay Pack & Follow" featuring Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, Mick Taylor and the fabulous Ron Wood.

This weekend was one of the best weekends.  I went home to Lutterworth for my cousin Amy's son Thomas's birthday party, which was held a friend's house in a huge garden.  Amy is great fun she has a real sense of 'child' in her and she's a terrific mother.  Any way, that night was great too.  I was so nice.  My cousin Susan and her husband Graham threw a small dinner party, or should I say a select dinner party.  There were six of us - Sue and Gray, Sue's sister (my cousin) Ann and her husband Ray, and a very good friend of theirs, John Woodford.  We ate and we drank for what seemed like hours.  It was lovely, it was so relaxing.  What made it special for me apart from being in good company (with my lovely family) was, we ate outside in the garden by candle light.  I don't do eating outside at home in London, the window boxes wouldn't take my weight.  The other special thing was, it was John's birthday so we gave him gifts, Ann made a cake and we sang happy birthday and drank pink bubbly. 

The next day, Sunday, after eggs, bacon, mushrooms and tea (Sue feeds me up, not that I need it) I went to visit my writing mentor and best friend Roger.  Roger and I walked up to the church yard.  It was the 25th anniversary of my dad's death earlier in the week.  I don't go to the grave because I think dad or mum are there, because they are both in my heart, but I like to go and put new silk flowers on, or just to check the grave's OK.  Well, I say 'like' but I'm sure you know what I mean.   I am left with wanting to go home and live in Lutterworth and wanting to stay here in London as well.  London has a real pull for me.  It's hard to let go of a city like London.  I don't want to go home because I've failed, or because I've grown too old for London.  I want to get my book published and then I can go home and write the second book without feeling that I've gone back instead of forward.  I do love Lutterworth, but I love London - I've been here since 1976 - minus a few tours around the country and a few stints in Newcastle, Chester and Mold either in the theatre company or touring.  I wish I knew what the right thing, the best thing for me was?  I could stay in London or sell up and go home.  Or I go back to Lutterworth and let my flat in London.  ???????   Questions, questions. 

If anyone out there knows how to get tickets to see Bruce Springsteen when he comes to O2 in London in December this year I would appreciate it if they would share the knowledge.  I've heard that the show will be sold out within four hours of the tickets appearing on the Internet.  Boo hoo!  Seriously, I love that man and if I don't get to see him this time I'll be heartbroken.  I am seriously thinking of getting my ticket through the restaurant called Goucho, because they have boxes at O2.  Mind you, that will be a very expensive way of doing it.  I probably won't be able to afford it, but hey, it's once in a lifetime.   By hook or by crook, I will go to the show.  I will see the best stadium rock artist in the world - Bruce Springsteen - this year.

I'm off to bed now.  I am shattered.  This weekend I worked non-stop on editing my novel and I re-wrote the new chapter.  If I say so myself, the hard work paid off, the chapter reads well.  That's another thing, hard work should pay off, so why can't I get published.  Really folks, I need help with this one.  Any one out there who works for a literary agent, or is a publisher of serious romantic fiction, please read the synopsis of my first novel, "an giv a poor gel a chance Guv!"

Good night. x

Tonight was a great night at Raiders Broadcast.  I couldn't let the night go by without paying tribute to one of THE greatest artists of our time, Elvis who died in 30 years agon in 1977 in Memphis Tennessee, aged 42.  It was actually the August 16^th, that was the 30^th anniversary of Elvis’s death.  His genres were Rockabilly, Rock ‘n’ roll, Gospel, Blues, Country, Country Rock and, Film Acting.  Elvis remains an icon who, even after being dead for 30 years, lives on through his millions of fans worldwide.  Tomorrow, all over the world, Elvis impersonators, look-a-likes and sing-a-likes of all ages and sizes will be remembering the only performer to have been inducted into 4 separate music ‘Halls of Fame’ – the legend, Elvis; "The King of Rock 'n' Roll" – long live "The King".

My show was dedicated to Pirate Radio and tonight I took my audience back in time to those days and in particular RADIO CAROLINE.  Yesterday was the 40th anniversary of the day that the government closed down the offshore ‘pirate’ radio stations.  August 14th 1967 has gone down in history as ‘the day the music died’. 

I played the famous BELL to open my show and started off with THE ANIMALS & ‘WE GOTTA GET OUT OF THIS PLACE’ and THE KINKS & ‘WATERLOO SUNSET’ which were tracks taken from Radio Caroline's 1967 playlist.

Pirate Radio changed radio listening forever – so for at least 45 minutes I played music and jingles and told everyone about the DJS that brought us ground breaking music from THE PIRATE RADIO STATIONS of the 1960s.  AT 8 O’CLOCK on that night Mansfield's Aural Massage, Claire Mansfield, co-founder of Rock FM, which through the mid-to-late 80s was London’s biggest Pirate Rock Station, had a special guest with her.  RFM co-founder and manager Dave Fuller was Claire's partner in crime, and joined Claire from 8 till 10 to give us the low down and the high points of life as a pirate radio operator, and play some of the music the pirates put out from the tower blocks of inner-city London in the 1980s and 90s."  Of course the lovely Pete Andrews followed me with his Album Rock Show at 7, but until then I transported the audience back to mid 1960s

Radio Caroline's bell was THE sound of the '60's and the 'official tune' of RADIO CAROLINE was by 60s band The Fortunes.  Originally, a trio called The Cliftones, The Fortunes first single "Summertime Summertime" went unnoticed, but the follow-up record in 1964, called "Caroline" was used as the signature tune for Pirate Radio Station ‘RADIO CAROLINE’ and from there The Fortunes had hit after hit worldwide, until the early 1970s 

The last record played was ‘A DAY IN THE LIFE’ by The Beatles.  I couldn't think of a better track to play at the end of my tribute to Pirate Radio Stations except for 'We Love The Pirate Stations' which was released on RADIO CAROLINE'S own label and recorded by members of The Ivy League under the name of 'The Roaring Sixties'.  It was widely played during the final days of pirate radio in 1967.  Under the terms of The Marine etc, Broadcasting (Offences) Act, it has been technically illegal to play ‘We Love The Pirate Station’s’ anywhere in Britain inside territorial waters since 14th August 1967 as it was said to 'PROMOTE THE CAUSE’ of PIRATE STATIONS.

Tens of millions of people tuned into Radio Caroline – and Caroline's DJs played the songs of hundreds of new bands that achieved massive and sometimes lasting success.  As early as the autumn of 1964 Radio Caroline had more listeners than the three BBC networks combined, but it all ended at 3pm on August 14th 1967. 

Raiders was a good night.  It is fun when everyone turns up after their show.  Well I say everyone...  there are a few bodies that are pains up the junction.  But on the whole it is great fun when all the DJs are around.  My good friend Henry Mack is back on raiders 2. 

I have moved into my study because I have a young house-mate who is twenty staying with me.  He has just started a job in South London and is looking for a place of his own, but he's staying with me until he finds somewhere to rent with someone of his own age.  I think it will be fun having someone young around.  I'll let you know if I can cope with sharing my space. 

On Wednesday 20th my radio show at Raiders Broadcast continued with the theme of 1964 with bands that were in the charts from July until December 64.  I asked listeners to log on and request what they wanted to hear, especially from the 60s & 70s, and listen to some great nostalgic music.  Only a couple of people did log in during the hour.  An hour isn't long enough really, but I think for those who listened it brought back some good memories.

The theme of the last show of the month, June 27th, will be the concluding part of The 7 Ages of Rock.  And about time.  Every week I've put it off for some reason or another.

Last night I went to The Grand Theatre in Clapham Junction to see a show called 'Caburlesque' and it was real fun.  Several of the girls were interviewed on Raiders 1 and so we - Claire (raiders 2 controller), Peter (Album Rock presenter and a mate), and I were given comps to see the show.  In the foyer I spotted a lady called Pam (she has a night club in Clapham Junction) who I'd met at a literary lunch last year with Joan Bakewell and Rosie Thomas, so she joined our table - and we had a real laugh.  It's been a long time since I went out and had fun.  And I did, and it was fab, and I shall do it again. 

I'm waiting for a job to arrive and, lo and behold, I've just spotted an email.  So that's me then.  I'm off to earn a crust.  Until next time.  X

At last I've finished the article called 'God and Rock 'n' Roll'.  I've got it down from 9,000 words to 1,500 - and still that's a bit longer than required.  But the story of rock from the 19th Century to today via Gospel is not a quick tale to tell.  Any way, it was fascinating to research and I'm very pleased that David, the editor of St. Peter's Review and my mentors Roger and Alan approve.   Haven't dared show them any recent work it all seems to be...  Oh, I don't know, it wasn't what I wanted it to be over the last three months.  But I think I and so, my writing, is getting a bit more confident. 

The Muse be with you.  X

"Wednesday, 13th June, the theme of The Madalyn Morgan show was "'1964' A Beatles Alternative."  I played songs from other artists and bands in the charts between January and June 1964 - as well as talked about what was in the news, on television and in fashion.  It took me back to when I was a child and I was a child in 1994.  How strange it is that one day you think back to 1964 and it seems ages and ages ago, which is it, and then when you do something like play the music of the time and discuss the clothes we were wearing then, it seems like only yesterday.

I was depressed and tearful when I woke up this morning, so I didn't go to Church.  Don't ask me why I was depressed - I don't know.  What I do know is, I'm lucky to have good health and a nice home and I shouldn't feel depressed.  Anyway, after going to the local shop for a box of teabags (I needed my tea fix) and seeing a young man in a motorised wheelchair, who was off out with two friends and definitely not feeling sorry for himself, I gave myself a b....y good talking and got on with my day.  It shouldn't take someone in a wheelchair to make us realise how lucky we are I know, but sometimes we are weak.   I won't get depressed again for a while.  But when I feel like I felt this morning I'm best staying home.  I do find Church emotional sometimes.  I don't cry anywhere else, but I have been known to cry in Church - I don't know why.  I sound as if I'm a weak soppy cow, don't I?  Perhaps I am...  Hope not, but hey, who knows? 

Any way, I've had a good day.  I've been working hard up here in my study.  I started off de-cluttering and then began researching bands and musicians with connections to religion.  There are loads.  It started in the 1950s with Gospel music.  Artists learned their craft singing in Church, in choirs, singing Gospel songs.   

In the 50s there was Elvis, In the 60s and 70s Dylan wrote an amazing amount of songs that have Biblical citations and references.  And we all know about the most famous John Lennon song, "Let It Be" (When I find myself in times of trouble Mother Mary comes to me...  ) But then, after the 'Beatles are bigger then Jesus' gaff, half of the young people in America burnt their Beatles albums.  And there was The Byrds song "Turn Turn Turn" that Pete Seeger wrote, or adapted, from the book of Ecclesiastes.  And we mustn't forget people like Bono, Whitney Huston, Nick Cave and he Indie Rock Band "Athlete". 

I could have written the article by the time I've written this blog.  Hope you find it interesting.  I'm going down to watch Corrie now.  Love M x

This is my first blog.   Fingers crossed that it will work.

Tonight I had my show to myself after a great couple of weeks interviewing people.   On the 18th April Martin Linton (MP for Battersea and Balham) and Prunella Scales (the actress) came in to the Raiders studio and talked about The Battersea Arts Centre.  Last week, 25th April, Rishi Dastidar came in and we talked about how   literature has influenced rock music and in particular bands like The Eagles, The Byrds, The Smiths, The Beatles, Manic Street Preachers, Velvet Underground and Nico and many others.  In fact there was so much material that didn't get aired that I hope to have Rishi back to do another gig in the not too distant future.  Afterwards we went to the wine bar and had a glass or two of red and some very hot olives.  It was a fun night and very interesting.     Rishi Dastidar is a clever writer, but we hardly had time to talk about his work.     It's 28 minutes after midnight and I'm off to bed.  Good night.